What Can A Girl Be Not

by:	CoyotePuma

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Rating: X	Add Review   Read Reviews, Last Review 05/01/07 (2)	Added: 05/01/2007
Complete: yes
Synopsis:	A boy, confident in himself, lives the nightmare of simply waking up one morning... a girl. Blonde, cute, a hair's breath from being outright gorgeous... and the subject of the obsessive love and wrath of a witch.
Categories:	Bad Boy to Good Girl  Body Swap  Magical Transformations
Keywords:	School Girl

What Can A Girl Be Not

by CoyotePuma



Synopsis: A boy, confident in himself, lives the nightmare of simply waking up one morning... a girl. Blonde, cute, a hair's breath from being outright gorgeous... and the subject of the obsessive love and wrath of a witch.



Even through tangled hair and eyes squinting into the harshness of waking to another school day, I can see the naked image before me is beautiful, but wrong. It's not me, not who I am. What I'm seeing... this girl's reflection... is totally impossible... and scary, yet strangely amusing. In the movies, scenes like this are hilarious. You know the ones where some poor unsuspecting smuck, not quite awake, sits on the crapper and reaches for something they expect to find, only to find a reality entirely different than the one that followed them to bed the night before. Well this scene would be funny too, if I wasn't the one looking into the mirror.

Nevertheless, I do chuckle as I try to remember why my father had insisted in installing mirrors directly across every toilet in the house. _Mirror, mirror on the wall, why would anyone want to watch themselves take a crap at all?_

I know it was an idiotic thing to do, but my father seems to sometimes see into the future and as I can't remember when the last time he told us about something upcoming and his prediction was off the mark, I've learned not to second guess him. He likely has a good reason; he just hasn't shared it with Mom and I.

By the way, I'm Shaun Walker, fifteen year old high school sophomore and aspiring stud.

"Good morning. You sleep well?" The unexpected question, extricating me from my confused mental wanderings, literally scares the holy you know what out of me. "Eeew," my father holds his nose. "I'll let you finish before we talk."

Michael Walker -- that's my father -- retreats back into the safety of my bedroom and to my computer desk. I hear the working of the keyboard. He has a thing for computers, can't leave them alone. "Remember to wipe front to back."

"DAD!"

"You broke up with Beverly, didn't you?"

"Yeah, and was she pissed when I told her, 'It's time for us to move on.' Besides, there's this new girl... at school."

"This new girl... she wouldn't by any chance look something like the one you're seeing in the mirror?"

I'm distracted for a moment with the sound of a renewed trickle into the bowl, then recognition sets in. "HOLY CRAP!" I've have only seen her twice. Haven't even spoken to her yet, much less, seen her without her makeup and clothes. "You're right on, Dad. I hadn't recognized her until you mentioned it. Man, I tell you she's hot when she's fixed up."

"I can imagine. You want to make any bets on what she is looking like though this morning?"

"I think I'm looking at it right now. She's a mess first thing in the morning."

"Most girls are, but I suspect she looks more like you did yesterday morning. And, I also suspect she's quite pleased at this moment."

"If I am not asleep and dreaming this, I bet she's really _not_ a very happy camper because I know I'm not!"

"No, I know you're not. Other than that though, I sense Beverly is also quite pleased with herself. Revenge can be so petty at times, but its taste is sweet.

"You know after dumping her like you did, you best pray she doesn't lose her smile. A witch can do a lot more to you than just make you your heart's erotic desire."

..an idiot thing to do, but my father seems to sometimes see into the future...

I shake my head to clear the cobwebs.

Next, I look more closely at the image in the mirror and see my usual morning, half awake but nevertheless _handsome_ image. The beautiful girl I thought I had seen earlier is nowhere to be seen, though I can still feel her presence. (Well, if your handsome in one like, it's only to be expect that you'll be beautiful in another.) I don't even know her name yet, but this vision of her naked body, still fresh in my mind, assures me I will soon. "Your pants are mine, girl. I've got what you want."

It's not like Beverly -- my current and soon to be ex girlfriend -- and I are married, thank God. She's a nice girl, if a little possessive, but things and relationships that continue past their freshness soon become boring. No, it's overdue; I Need A New Challenge; IT'S TIME FOR A PUSSY CHANGE. That was a little dramatic, but let's face it people, as nice as Beverly is, dating just one girl won't teach me what I'll need to know in a few years to harvest and plunder those beauties I really want to meet in college. Like in those 'Girls Gone Wild' videos, college that's where the real nice tits and ass they are, and I've got great ambitions to enjoy some pussy and to collect a huge pile of panties. I think I'll get me some wicked, phallic symbol and carve notches in it to keep score of my conquests. _Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is going to be the greatest stud of them all._ Rubbing my hands together, I comically bring forth the most villainous, evil laugh I can imagine.

Damn, I'm full of myself.

Developing stud or not, I'm still a one-girl-at-a-time guy (honorable cuss aren't I?) and I need to break it off with Beverly before I can score another notch with this new girl. I smile. "God, thank you for making me a guy."

*****

This morning's classes are a drag. I haven't been able to keep my mind off my new target and what kind of runaround I'll need to ditch Beverly. She is a nice girl and I don't get off on hurting girls. (There's some logic there somewhere if a little difficult to demonstrate.)

Unfortunately, I am startled out of my juvenile daydreams of boobs and ass when the paper I'm working on is retrieved out from under my doodling pencil.

"Shaun, it appears _history_ is not your forte today. I commend you on your artwork. It is quite good, though inappropriate for this class. Maybe Mister Rogers will be more appreciative. Why don't you take this to him and find out."

Vice Principal Rogers seems almost amused. "Mister Walker,..." he chuckles, "I doubt Mrs. Davis... Shaun, what were you thinking, drawing naked girls in class, much less, during a test?"

Test? I hadn't even noticed what the paper was or what I had drawn, my mind having been someplace else. Fortunately though, V.P. Rogers is a friend of the family and he and my father belong to the same fraternity. They hunt, fish, and vacation together. As a result, _Mike_ is more of an uncle to me than anything else. "Ah, you know that new girl transfer?"

"You mean Shauna Marks? She's in your history class?"

"Ah, yeah."

"I thought you were going with Beverly Taison?"

"I have been, but..."

"Oh, I think I'm getting the gist of this. Shauna Marks is quite pretty as I recall, but then Beverly Taison is no slouch either. You getting bored with Beverly, and seeking new conquests?"

"Something like that."

"Well, you're not in my office because you came to me for advice on girls. You're here because Mrs. Davis did not appreciate your artwork and your inattention to the task at hand, namely today's history quiz. Shaun, I know you're planning to go to college on an academic scholarship" -- varsity sports are not really my thing -- "and your grades are important to you and your family, so how about my asking Mrs. Davis to give you a makeup test, with a one grade markdown, and you serving a week's detention, starting today?"

Detention is an hour's study time after school and it just happens that Mrs. Davis is its monitor. I know what I'll be studying, and it won't be artwork. It also has not escaped my attention that I was suppose to meet Beverly after school.

"Thanks Mike, I think I can handle that and I expect Mrs. Davis will see to it that I get the highest score possible. Nothing like studying _history_ all week."

"I thought you would appreciate the opportunity. And Shaun, I understand that I'm kind of like an uncle to you, but let's keep it to _Mr. Rogers_ while we're at school."

"Ah, yeah. I guess that makes sense. And, I do appreciate having an _uncle_ who's the vice principal of my school." I laugh.

"Yeah well, it's lunchtime and you have better things to do than spend time in the vice principal's office. Good luck with the girl's."

Outside the V.P.'s office Beverly is waiting for me. "I heard you got yourself into trouble daydreaming about me. How much detention do you have to serve?"

"Only a week."

"Is that all? It certainly doesn't hurt to have friends in high places."

I decide to get the difficult part with Beverly over with, as Shauna Marks is also in my fifth period class.

"Beverly, I was going to tell you after school, but as you know I'm going to be occupied."

"Tell me what?"

"That... well, this is going to be hard, but... You haven't done anything wrong, but..."

"But, those drawings weren't of me were they?"

"No, they weren't. I'm sorry, but I think we each need to move on and develop ourselves more socially. You're a nice and all, but this is high school... It's not like we are getting married, or anything. It'll be years before we graduate from college, even if we went to the same place."

"You want to play the field and sow your oats?"

"Something like that."

"It's that new girl, isn't it? She's here only a few days and you're sporting to get into her pants."

"Ah Beverly, you're one of the most popular girls in school. You're a babe and every guy around has been trying to get you to dump me so they could have a chance at you. Tell them that I was being a jerk and you finally have had enough."

Beverly laughs. "Well you are a _jerk_, but I'm not going to lie about it. I don't have to. If you want to get into Shauna's pants, I hope you'll enjoy the fit."

"Be cool, Beverly. Shauna hasn't done anything to you. I didn't even know her name until about ten minutes ago when Mike... eh, Mr. Rogers told me."

"Oh, I'm not angry with Shauna. We're going to become great friends, you'll see."

"Okay. I want you to know I appreciate your being cool about this. You've been a solid friend."

"Unlike present company, you mean?"

"Yeah. From your position, I guess I am a real jerk."

"Oh, there's no guessing about it. You know what you are, but I'll forgive you and we'll still be friends. Maybe even better friends than before. Now, give me a hug and let's go to lunch."

*****

.. do a lot more to you than just make you your heart's desire."

"Dad, how did you know I would wake up like this?"

"I knew because Beverly wanted me to know. She knew where you were heading, _Stud_. But, in her own way, she tried to head you off."

"How could she have known. I didn't even know until a couple of days ago."

"Shaun, the mirrors were her idea. She hoped you'd see for yourself where you were going and you did, but you didn't pay any heed. Think back to the glimpse of your future you saw first thing yesterday morning and take a _good_ look at yourself now. Again, you recognize her, _Shauna_?"

"Oh, shit. Beverly said she wouldn't go after Shauna! If she's done this to me..."

"Yes, you're getting the idea. The Marks family now has a son, Shaun, and the Walker family has a daughter, Shauna. But don't worry about Shaun, he was a transgender, you know, a boy in a girl's body. Now, he has the body to go along his spirit and you... Well, you're now that boy in a girl's body."

"But Dad, I don't know anything about being a girl."

"Oh, you know all the basics and Beverly will help, if you're smart enough to ask for her help."

"Why should I trust her when she broke her word and... and did this!"

"Beverly didn't break her word. She said she wasn't angry with Shauna and she didn't harm her either. Shaun is now the boy he always thought of himself to be. As for you, your first step to her forgiveness is not to be stupid. You may have all the girl mechanics down, whether you know it or not, but you don't have all the thought processes down. For that, you'll need Beverly's help or you're going to be even more an unhappy camper than you are now."

"He certainly didn't look like a boy to me and you sound like I deserve this, and what about Mom, she feel the same way?"

"Parents and peer pressure forced his accommodation and yes, I believe you deserve what's happen to you. As for your mother, she is like everyone else, she doesn't have a clue that anything has changed. I only know because Beverly believed you needed someone to help you get past this morning."

"I _don't_ deserve this!"

"_Oh yes you do._ The shoe is on the other foot now, my dear daughter. You were going to treat girls as nothing more than a plaything, something to put another notch on your pole, remember? Well now, you're the girl and there are plenty of boys out there who are going to look at you the same way, just another piece of pussy."

"I don't believe this. How can you take her side against me, your own blood?"

"I can because I've seen too much of your father in you and Beverly is my daughter and I was once a woman, too."

"This has got to be a bad dream, because that doesn't make any sense. None of this does."

"Well, get use to it girlie. Because _this_ is the way it is! Now, get your pretty little fanny off that toilet and into the shower. Your mother will have breakfast ready soon and you have a meeting with Beverly."

"What? I can't see her like this. I won't do it!"

"Girl, you best think about that. Things can get a lot _rougher_ for you than they are now. You're going to need all the help you can get. Being a girl is a whole lot different today than it was when I was a one. I'll be damn little help for you in learning the ins and outs you'll need to know to be modern girl and still keep your head above water."

"You said you... once... What happened?"

"I refused to marry the man my parents chose for me. Today, he would have been called a fag... a sissy. I was determined, if I was going to marry, it would have been to a man I could look up to, not some pervert."

Ouch! "So, you didn't marry him?"

"Oh, I marry him... in a way. My mother did the same thing to me as Beverly did to you. I was made my heart's desire, a man with broad shoulders and a large package. The man I was suppose to marry became a girl, not a woman. She was what you'd call today a real air head and she was only good for one thing, as was I. No way in the world was I ready to carry the load of being a man. A man's world is not the woman's. There's whole different rules and I got my nose bloodied many a time before I began to learn the lessons boys learn growing up."

"I can imagine."

"_No you can't._ You have no idea what awaits you if you don't seek the help Beverly offers you. A woman's world will eat you alive if you don't change your attitude. Shauna, being a woman is too often an indulgence in an art form of emotion, deceit and manipulation. If done well and constructively, your compassion for others can put value to your life. You'll be loved, honored and missed when you're gone. But, if you carry the self-centeredness you currently have into your new life... Well, cats have claws and they cut deep. Your present circumstance testifies to that, wouldn't you say?"

"What about your age, you can't have been Beverly's father?"

"Nevertheless, I am. You apparently haven't noticed yet, but others are beginning to. When too many start to notice, I'll have to disappear... to move on and start again. It's part and parcel of my curse, to never see my children grow up. Oh you and your mother will be taken care of. I'm good at what I do and a trust fund for you is already in place."

"What about you, who's going to take care you?"

"I'll be all right, one way or the other."

"I need to shower and wash my hair. If I have to be a girl, I want my parents to be proud of their _daughter_."

"Good thinking. I'll see you at breakfast, then I'll take you to your meeting."

*****

"Even after Dad told me, it surprised me to have the skills needed to get ready."

"Your father loves you very much, Shauna."

"I know that, Beverly. He's always been there for me in the past. It's the future I'm worried about."

"Why?"

"He told me something about his past, something that will take him away from me."

"We all lose our loves, sooner or later."

"Yeah, and you got more than even, too."

"I'm not your enemy, Shauna."

"Then why did you do this to me!"

"You mean other than _you_ pissing _me_ off!"

I can see the anger in her eyes. "Well, I guess I can understand your being angry, but what happens now?"

See appears to calm. "That depends on you, Shauna."

"You're not going to tell what I want to know, are you?"

"No. But, I will tell you want you need to know, if you'll ask."

"How can I trust you? Dad says you are a witch."

"So is your dad, though he has been stripped of his powers."

"A witch... stripped... Why, because he didn't wish to marry a _sissy_!"

Beverly looks like I slapped her. "No, he married someone who thought the answer laid on the other side of the fence. My father taught her otherwise by treating her like trash."

"That's a lie!"

She clinches her teeth. "Go home, Shauna. You're not ready for this meeting."

*****

I call my dad to pick me up. At least, I am smart enough to not walk the three miles home in heels. (I have no idea why I worn heels. I just did, okay?)

"It didn't go well between you two, did it?"

My voice is almost to quiet to hear. "She's a bitch, Dad."

"From the sound of it, you're having problems believing that."

"Don't bet on it." My eyes feel heavy as clouds laden with more moisture than they could hold. When the tears rain down, I sob with the most grief I've ever known. "Daddy what am I going to do?"

"I believe the current medicine today for a girl's depression is to go shopping. That's what your mother does."

"Why would Mother be depressed?"

Michael smiles, as Shauna's _Daddy_ and _Mother_ has not escaped him.

"All females are depressed. I think it's something biological. You all need a good cry from time to time."

"You were once a female, did you cry a lot?"

"I cried too much, too often and little has changed with my transformation. I just don't display my emotions as much, a man can't without getting his ass kicked."

"If you had to do it all over, would you change anything."

"God in heaven, yes! I hate being a man and unfortunately I've taken my displeasure out on the women I've known."

"You would have married a _sissy_?"

"It couldn't have been any worse than being a woman married to me."

"Is there no undoing the curse?"

"If there is, I don't know about it."

I suddenly find myself grabbing for the car's steering wheel as my father begins to steer us into the oncoming traffic. Before I can direct the car to a safe stop, he is a basket case heaving with hysteric sobs brought about, I expect, from the grief of a shattered and near dead female soul. After removing our seat belts and opening my door, I do my best to drag him into the passenger seat. I then take the driver's seat, adjust it and immediately start cursing my heels. It takes some doing, but I managed to learn a few tricks along the way home. There, with Mother out shopping, we sit in the driveway because there is no way alone I can muscle my father into the house.

Finally, "I'm sorry Shauna, guess that has been brewing in me for a long while."

"It's okay, Daddy. You were once a woman yourself, so you're entitled to a good cry, too."

"That was a long time ago. The woman in me refuses to remember how many years for realizing her own age. But, I know it's too many as I'm really feeling every year of that age."

"You're not old, just tired. I'm sure my circumstances hasn't helped the situation any either."

"That may be true, but I'll not be helping you by caving in to the stress. I still have a family to support, a family I love very much." He reaches over for my hand. "As much as I will regret it, there will come times when you will not want to be around me. Sometimes, I'm not a nice man and I take my grief out on those close to me. I was once beautiful, as pretty as you, then the pleasure of being so was taken away from me. Women can have tremendous power over men, if they learn how to use what God gives them. A man will worship you if you use that power kindly and well. If not, then you're likely to be saddled with a man like me, someone just as insensitive as you are; just as cruel as you are."

"Let's go inside, Daddy."

"Okay, we aren't solving anything out here we can't solve inside."

Inside, both of us are in for a shock. All of Mother's clothes are gone and Daddy finds an envelop on the bed. It contains a legal petition for a dissolution of marriage and a note from Mother saying she has found someone who appreciates her; someone who would not abuse her like my father did. Also, as she and I have been growing more distant to one another, she leaves her only child and teenage daughter behind. Included is also a signed custody agreement.

"Finally, one of them had the common sense to escape. I wish her well."

"What are we going to do now Daddy, I don't know how to cook?"

"And the last time I cooked anything, I had to feed the stove wood. So, it's either fast food, TV dinners, or you quickly learn how to cook."

"We are going to starve if we have to rely on my learning how to cook."

"Why? You need to learn anyway."

"Why, because I'm now a girl?"

"See, all's well. You just learned something about a woman's world."

"Not tonight, Daddy. Check to see if Mother left us anything left in the bank because if she did, you're taking your daughter out for dinner."

"We each have our own accounts. Each month, I gave your mother a sizable check to cover her allowance. She paid her own bills from that." He chuckles. "I hope whoever took her in can afford to keep her. She was expensive, but she was a great lay after I taught her-- ."

"Daddy, I don't think I want to hear anymore."

"Yeah, you're right. It's easy to understand the source of your attitudes toward--"

"Daddy, that is enough. Now, do I need to change my clothes for dinner?"

"No, I think you're dressed well enough for a buffet or the food court at the mall."

At breakfast, I ate what Mother served me. At the food court, I almost killed myself trying to eat Shaun's usual plate. I had developed a good appetite as Daddy spoiled me by forcing me to try on a thousand items of clothing. Each time I had to prance about for his approval or disapproval. Gad, you wouldn't believe what he had me wear at Victoria's Secret. It was fun. That was a lesson and a half.

*****

I got sick last night, heaved my guts over half the bathroom before I could lift the seat on the toilet. It was luck I even found my way through the blindness of tears, mascara and the other makeup I failed to remove before going to bed. I suspect in all, this disgusting event was a product of stress and too much of the wrong kind of food. Two more lessons learned, eat light and makeup and sleep are not a good combination.

When I tried to sleep, I laid for hours semiconscious. In the morning, awoke with chest hurting, my nipples sore from the roughness of the sheets. I've always slept naked and mostly awoke laying on my stomach. I'm going to miss sleeping that way. I wonder why in this life I hadn't changed to softer, smoother linens, then it dawned on me that most females wear something soft and smooth to sleep in. If they're naked in bed, they're likely not alone. Another lesson learned, but I'm still going to buy some satin linen.

Usually, I like my showers strong and hot, but this morning's nipples forced moderation. Another lesson learned.

When Daddy came to his breakfast of burnt eggs and toast, he sighed, "Let's go out for breakfast." I need help. Another lesson learned.

Tomorrow will be my first day back to school, as a girl. I wonder how many more hard lessons I'll learn there?

*****

This morning, like yesterday's, I awoke with sore breast. I wonder how long it takes for a girl to learn not to sleep on her stomach. I suspect that would depend upon how stacked she was. I hurt, so I guess that makes me pretty stacked. (Well, I'm a generous C-cup anyway.) Hope I'm a fast learner.

Cereal and burnt toast aside, I'm also suffering minor cases of stress induced diarrhea and nausea. So, with panty liner in place and extra supplies in my purse, I struggle on into the wonderful world of a female high school student. It will be a wonder if I make it through the day.

There's an almost creepy satisfaction a girl receives while boys undress her with their eyes. I don't remember having x-ray vision as Shaun, but tomorrow morning I'm going shave my pubes to test the prospect that I was the only one so deprived.

Aside from becoming a virtual stripper for horny adolescents and some dirty old men, I learn today that I am now the new transfer student and being so unattached, it is a miracle that I made it to any of my classes on time. Daddy was right about how a lot of boys would perceive and interact with me as a girl. At least, one good thing happened though, with a smile on his face, lucky Shaun will now be serving my detention time. Given that however, I fear the loss of a family friend, a friend I may need in the future. Will Mike still know Daddy and I, or am I just another student?

Actually, a second though dubiously good few minutes happens between first and second period. Before I can get to a needed bathroom break, a trio of cheerleaders corner me and encourage me to tryout for their squad. There's nothing like being on top of the social pyramid, but I really needed those few minutes for something else.

By the time lunch comes around, I feel like taking up permanent residence on the toilet. I know I'm pretty, but being hit upon every time I turn around is getting old real fast. It also turns out that the toilet is not necessarily a good place to hide either. There's nothing like having your panties around knees and hearing the shit flow from the mouth of girl who's boyfriend has been seen paying too much attention to the new girl, all the while trying to protect your hair as she stands on the toilet in the next stall and leans over the partition. God, as a boy, I never guessed to viciousness of the fairer sex. I swear if I hadn't...

I come straight up off the toilet, my hair being pulled, my doubled up fist feeling the impact of her nose, my soprano voice screaming, "YOU BITCH, GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" I can see the surprise, anger and hatred in her eyes. Even with busted lip and bloody nose, she refuses to let go of my hair. Yet, desperation leads to amazing feats. With foot braced against the panel separating us, I grab for whatever of hers I can reach and pull. Fabric rips, she screams and flips over the partition and heads for the uncovered bowl and diarrhea. Eeew! For the sake of mercy, I flush the toilet then pull her head out by her hair. (Yuck, I need to wash hands.)

She lays there aside porcelain, panties exposed, eyes filled with fear and panic as my shoe has now found her crotch and my voice drops a menacing octave. "Listen up, I have no design on your boyfriend or anyone else's. I don't play that way."

I think she's going to back off, until...

"Oh God, I'm fighting for my boyfriend with a queer bitch?"

The gasps and giggles outside the stall is too much. Her screams must be heard over half the campus as I ground my spike into or about where her clitoris should be. (Hey, I didn't say I was smart and yes my feet hurt, but I like the way heels shape my legs and ass. I'm vain, what do you want from a girl?) I don't stop until some man reaches under the stall door and pulls my free leg out from under me. Still, as they are pulling me free of her, I am ripping whatever clothing I can off her. They pry her bloody panties from my hand after the police handcuff me.

*****

"Miss Walker, you're charged with assault, but the evidence says you didn't start the fight. I think I can get that charge dropped, but the viciousness of your response will show a judge the need for a psychological evaluation. Some feel if you had not been stopped, the charge would have escalated to a homicide."

Now you understand I am _your_ attorney and I can not force you into accepting a position you feel as to be unfair, but I am telling you right and now if you do not accept a mandatory psychological evaluation in waving the assault charge, the court will lock you up in mental facility for an indefinite time until the judge can be assured that you are not a treat to yourself or anyone else. Also, you need to know that court proceedings are scheduled weeks, if not months, in advance. So, when I say an indefinite time, I mean just that."

"But, you said they know I didn't start the fight!"

"That's not what the court will be worried about. It's how you fought the fight that will concern them most."

"But, I didn't start the fight. That bitch came after me!"

"That is understood, but you put her hospital. From what also I understand, she underwent several hours of surgery with only limited success. Even without criminal charges, a civil suit against your family is almost guaranteed. _You need to learn better control!_"

"Have I got anything working for me?"

"Yes, she attacked you. That merits an assault charge in itself. In return for you dropping your own complaint against her and maybe your father paying her medical cost, it is possible to limit the damage here. But, there is another consideration here. You have also been expelled from school. Your father's new business is here. Moving, for him, is not a realistic option, but you need an education. The court will want to know how that will be handled."

"My father shouldn't have to pay for what happened, but I understand I'm a minor and he is responsible for me and what I do." My thoughts are rapid and grasping, as the idea of some shrink getting into my head after my only recently being changed from a boy into a girl really frightens me. "If I voluntarily... if I voluntarily... if I went away, can you convince everyone to back off... no psychological whatever?"

"That's asking a lot. The court will still be interested in the public's safety, including yours. Such an offer in itself will raise some red flags. Is there some reason you feel you could not pass a psychological evaluation."

"No, I just don't trust someone who's job is based on a bed count."

"That is pretty harsh statement and self-defeating if heard by the wrong people."

"Maybe so, but those people scare me."

"Well, there is another way to approach this. You fight. You force the assault charge against your attacker and file suit against everybody in sight. Go for the throat."

"Will that work?"

"Well, if you trash the girl and her family in the media as bigots; threaten them with financial ruin and challenge your arrest as a victim of a hate crime... you could get off free and clear.

On the other hand, if they could prove you had flirted with the girl's boyfriend -- right or wrong -- the consensus would be that you invited the attack upon yourself... and that will bury you."

"I think I'm in over my head."

"That I can sell."

*****

"Beverly, I am in trouble."

"That's what I have heard."

"Can you help me?"

"Are you asking for my help or are you just curious?"

"I'm asking for your help?"

"Shauna, I loved Shaun, but he didn't love me. I was just another piece of ass to be used until something better came along. You have no idea how low that made me feel."

"Beverly, I know hurt you, but what can I do?"

"You can find out for yourself how low I felt? Then, maybe I'll forgive you."

"While I'm at it, you want me to cut my wrist, too?"

"That might do it."

"I guess you really did love me."

"You can carve that in stone."

"What about your new Shaun?"

"What about him?"

"I'm a girl now. It's not like we could pick up where we left off, and it looks I'm facing some hard times ahead."

"What you mean?"

"Beverly, I'm looking either jail time or being locked up in a mental hospital."

"Stop, right there. Now, who told you this?"

"My attorney."

"Well, trust me, you're not going to jail or to any mental hospital."

"If you say so."

"Well, I am saying so. I may have put you in a dress, but no one is going to take you away from me."

"Beverly, you made me into a girl. There's no future for us beyond being friends."

"Shauna, I advise you to _not_ say anything more."

For once, I did as she told me and kept quiet.

"That's better. Now explain to me your options as your attorney explained them to you."

One by one, I list and explain every option discussed, including my offer to go away.

"Well, a good girls school would do you good. I might even enjoy going myself."

"If you say so."

"Shauna, I need to know, can you love a boy?"

"I don't know. I suppose in time I could. Beverly, I haven't been a girl long enough to entertain any ideas about relationships with boys."

"You were going shave you pubes."

"How did you know about that... Eh, forget I asked. I don't want to know."

"Shauna, if I was a boy and I came over to your house, would you entertain me. Would you go all the way, even though you might become pregnant? Would you carry my baby, suffer nine months of pregnancy and give it birth the way I would have done for you?"

"Jeez, Beverly. I'm fifteen years old. I don't know if I'm ready for something like that."

"Shauna, listen to me. Would you marry a sissy if I asked you to? Would you marry me if I was that sissy?"

A sudden idea pops into my head. "Beverly, you're no sissy. But, if you were a man, a good man as I know you would be, and you got down on your knee, proposed to me, promising to love and honor me forever... Oh wait, what your name kind sir. Who is it that wishes to place the bonding ring upon my finger?" (I'm a romantic. Maybe I should have been a girl all along?)

"You're a romantic, but does a name matter?" (See? She agrees with me.)

"Yes, sir. I will not subject my children to ridicule from their peers."

"All right, how about Michael Walker?"

"Beverly, I will not marry my father. That's gross."

"Shauna, has your father told you the name of my mother?"

"No, why?"

"Her married name -- my name -- was Mrs. Shauna Walker."

"Wait! I'm getting confused. Now I know what Alice felt like after she fell down that rabbit hole. Everything is so unbelievable."

"Believe it, Shauna. Believe it because it's true."

"True? How can you be your own daughter? And, why would you want to marry me after you married my father?"

"Because I am. When your father lost his powers, they were somehow given to me and just before I died, I swapped with my daughter. She hated me and I found it just dessert, and you're not your father, I love you."

"This is nuts, Beverly. As Shaun, I treated you just as bad as my father treated your mother."

"True, but before Michelle became Michael she was a beautiful person, loving and caring. You may not believe me, but deep down you are that kind of person. That was the girl the handsome sissy was meant to marry, but when her parents punished her by making her Michael, she changed into an entirely different person. She became a bitter person."

I'm rubbing my head like crazy, trying to make some sense out of the unbelievable. "I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to believe. Including me, I think everyone's nuts or well on their way there."

"You're not nuts and you're going nuts Shauna, but you have to make a decision. A decision to trust me, to give me your heart, body and soul. In return for that, I will protect you, love, honor and cherish you. The moment you accept my proposal for marriage, your father will pass away to become Beverly and I will become your young Michael Walker, husband-to-be. We will live a wonderful life. The children you bear for me will love their parents because we love them and each other."

Beverly gets down on one knee and out of nowhere presents me a ring with a solitaire gemstone.

"Blue topaz?"

"As you said, we are fifteen years old. After we graduate from college and we marry, the blue of the gem will purify to the clear white of the diamond, the silver of the ring will become gold."

"Darn hormones. You have my heart racing with the thoughts of love, but I must not give you an answer right now. No not yet, I must say good-bye to my father before I rush into your loving arms."

Gad, I haven't been a girl for a full week and I must sound like a Harlequin romance.

*****

My persistent lover understands the need to say good-bye, but I fear I will make little sense when I tell Daddy his time of being a man is coming to an end. I still don't know how I'm going to stay out of jail or a mental hospital, though.



Daddy smiles. "I believe her. At least, I want to believe her."

"Why?"

"Because she has refused to let you go. Even after you being such a jerk, she still wants you."

"An obsessive fool in love?"

"Maybe, but she knows what she wants and will do whatever it takes to get it and keep it."

"What about you, Daddy?"

"Shauna, I have to disappear soon anyway, before too many people... Look, I've already signed you mother's petition and custody agreement, so she's now out of the picture. Everything is in place for your trust fund. According to my updated last will and testament, you get everything after taxes. Mike Rogers will become your legal guardian until your eighteen. And, as Beverly, I'll be close at hand to give you both sisterly and fatherly advice when you need it. There's just one thing left to agree upon."

"What's that?"

"As your father won't be able to escort you down the aisle, I want to be your bridesmaid."

"Agreed, but I still have so many questions. Like... how am I going to stay out of jail and a mental hospital long enough to meet my young mister. Where am I going to go to school? And, despite what I am told, I still wonder if any of this real or am I in some crazy nightmarish dream?"

"You know, I was once told that a dream ceases to be a dream when it can be believed and reality ceases to be reality when it becomes unbelievable. The choice is yours, Cinderella."

"Thank you, Daddy. That explains everything."

Daddy hugs me, kisses me on the forehead, and we laugh together.

"Good-bye, Daddy."

"See you around, Shauna."

*****

.. a dream ceases to be a dream when it can be believed and reality ceases to be reality when it becomes unbelievable.

Who am I, a boy, Shaun, asleep or a girl, Shauna, in a crazy, fascinating, yet scary reality. Who do I what to be, some super stud going from girl to girl like a bee flower to flower, or a girl so loved her lover distorts reality. What happens to a stud after his prime, he becomes dog food? What happens to woman after her prime, she makes cookies with her grandchildren? The answer seems simple if not obvious. Good-bye, Shaun. Hello, Shauna.

I've always liked topaz, it's been reported to be worn by the clear- sighted, to increase strength, to protect you during emergencies. It was also worn by the goddess Diana as a ring, waxing and waning to phases of the moon and her mood. (Gad, where do I come up with this stuff?)

And so it begins. As I return home, I find Vice Principal Rogers and the police waiting for me with sad news. They tell me that Daddy was killed in an auto accident. A semi truck ran a red light, hitting him on the driver's side. They said he didn't suffer. Good-bye Daddy, even knowing what I know, I'll still miss you. It's not hard to cry.

There is also a telephone message from my attorney. It seems someone discovered a fugitive warrant out on my attacker and her whole family. But, before they could be arrested, they took flight again. No telling where they are now, or even if they still exist.

Mike tells me to pack what I need for a few days. I'll be moving in with his family. We'll pack up what needs to be packed, sell what needs to be sold, give away what should be given, after the funeral.



When we arrive at my new, if temporary, home, Mike introduces his family. I had met before his wife Jesse, but I didn't know he had a son my age going to a private school. My legs almost went out from under me when he was introduced as Michael Walker Rogers.

"Welcome, Shauna. That's a nice ring you have there. Topaz, isn't it? You know topaz has been report to..." (Enough, we've already been there.)

*****

I've missed a week of school. My expulsion has been rescinded and Mike has given me the choice of public or private schooling. Decision: Do I go back to school again where I can see my father, now Beverly, or do I go to school everyday with Michael, my future husband.

"Uncle Mike, I think I really need to get away. After Daddy's funeral, I'd like to go to a boarding school, not coed but someplace were they will polish off my rough edges. I really lost it when I was attacked. That can't happen again. Daddy told me before he died, I am his sole beneficiary. The house, accounts, business, everything. I want to keep it all intact, as much as possible anyway. Someday I'll head his company and I want to make him proud. To do that I'll have be knowledgeable, tough as nails and confident, a cross between Lora Croft and Martha Stewart. I'll have to be a lady."

"Though it will disappoint Michael, I have to agree with your assessment. Today's women don't have to settle for being a homemaker and baby factory. She has a wealth of opportunities available to her if she is determined and prepared for the challenges she'll face. But, you need to also understand something and that is what can a girl be not. The short of it is a girl can not be a boy, nor a woman be a man. There will be limitations placed on you no matter how much you prepare. Some limitations will be from people's prejudices; some will be from your own biology. Many people, male and female, can not accept a female superior. Physical strength and female emotions will also take their toll. A man can father a child well into his senior years, a woman can not. Your best years for such things will be over the next twenty years, the same years a man uses to establish a career. That will have a startling effect on your decision making and what you assign value to in your life. On the other hand, women are less likely to die early of heart failure due to stress. That is believed because women tend to not focus on just one thing like work, but they interest themselves with family and the arts, social functions and church. What any of that will mean to you is for you to find out, but having a positive attitude like yours is a sure winner in any case. I'll make some calls to some business and education friends and get back to you in a couple of days. Fair enough?"

"Fair enough. Thank you, Uncle Mike."

As expected, Michael is less than happy.

"What the blazes are you doing? I thought we had an agreement."

"We do, Michael. After college we will marry and I'll have your babies. I will love you and honor you, but I will not enslave myself to you."

"Enslaved, is that what you believe a woman becomes when she marries?"

"Pretty much, and I believe history supports me in that conclusion. Look Michael, I have ambitions and responsibilities. I can't be just a stay-at-home wife and mother. If you try to force me into that, I will learn to hate you."

"Hate me?"

"Yes, hate you. You've already pinned my feathers once, please don't do it again."

"And, what about me, our children, what do we do while your off running your business empire?"

"Michael, have you even thought about what you want to do after college?"

"I thought we already had discussed that?"

"What, raise a family? Michael, we can't live on love alone. It won't pay the bills, put food on the table. Our children are going to have needs like braces on their teeth, clothes for the current fad, and a thousand other things. I have a way to take care of that, do you? Have you even ever been a male before?"

"Be careful, Shauna. Don't discount me. And, you already know the answer."

"Sorry, but nevertheless Michael, you should have found a different way to show your love than to change me into a girl. Shaun was as suited to his task as Beverly was suited to hers. Now, everything is messed up."

"_This is all my fault?_"

Damn, he's quick tempered.

"I didn't say that. We had time for me to sow my oats, time to get together later and still be what you wanted us to be. Now, I fear we are going at cross purposes."

"I can change us back. I can become Michelle Rogers and you can return to being Shaun Walker."

"Too late, you've already given me a taste of being female. I like the smells, the colors, the fabrics, the variety. I don't want to give that up."

"Wait until you're giving birth. Shauna, you haven't even had your first period yet. There's a price a female pays for such frivolities. Women may live longer today than back when I became one, but they too still have a lot more health problems than a man."

"I'll just have to deal with that. Michael, study, prepare. If you can head my father's business better than I, I'll become your stay- at-home wife and mother."

"You think I can't?"

"I have my doubts. You forget, I knew Beverly. I saw what she put value on."

"You didn't think very much of me other than an easy lay, did you?"

"Honestly no, I didn't, but, things have changed. I'm the female now. Nevertheless, I will not fall into the same trap our mothers fell into. I am going to be energetic and driven."

"And what of our children, when will you have time for them?"

"You wanted children, I didn't. But, I'll birth them for you, then you can spend all the time with them you want. You can be the homemaker, a stay-at-home husband and father if you want to be."

Michael laughs. (I love his laugh.) "It doesn't work that way, Shauna. You're female now and darn few of you can distance themselves from their families. Soon your body will demand to be touched. There's a drive to fulfill your biological destiny that reaches all the way down to your genes. It's a hunger, a craving, that nibbles at you constantly until you complete the mission God gave Eve." (I hate his certainty of what I should be.)

"Stop, Michael. I am not your Barbie doll. You can't dress me, make me do as you see fit."

"You don't know what I can do. You don't want to know, either. But, I am your man and you are _my_ woman and you will respect _my_ choice of what you shall do and what I allow you to be."

"You can't be serious. That's very patriarchal of you Michael, but our agreement is to marry after college, for me to birth your children and to love and honor you, nothing more."

"That's correct. As you say, you agreed to _honor_ me. That alone gives me the right to choose for you, and I choose for you to be a homemaker. We can hire competent people to operate your father's business, but our children will need their mother close and, as a man, I will need you close to me too, and that is what we will have."

"Then, I will give you back you ring."

"You can try, but you'll find it is as much of you now as I define your destiny."

I fume as I try to remove the ring from my finger. I use spit, butter, whatever I can apply. Desperate, I grab a knife from the kitchen, lay my finger on the cutting board, but I haven't the will to amputate my finger. To my despair, I see my coming marriage as to be the enslavement I feared, lost to the self-importance and whims of male pride.

"I hate you, Michael."

"I know, but that will change, too."

*****

Regardless of Michael's perceived views of a woman's place, I plan to carry on with my own plans. Uncle Mike and Aunt Jesse will close up Daddy's house as is, as much as feasible, for my eventual occupation. Other than that, I am scheduled to attend Bromley Brook boarding school for girls the day after the funeral.

Michael is furious. Tough pooty! (Hey, I want to become a lady, remember?)

*****

I hug Uncle Mike good-bye. He flew with me to Bromley and stayed long enough to get me through all the assessments they give you. (They better get it right for six thousand dollars a month.)



Guess what, I have a roommate. Her name is Jo Ann Tours from Austin, Texas and is into politics. I'm not.

Nor does it turn out Bromley Brook is for me for three months later I call Uncle Mike and tell him I want the hell out of here. It could be me, but I've learned prestige and exclusivity does not equate with friendship and education. (That was an expensive lesson.)

*****

"Hello, Beverly."

"Well, I'll be darn. Shauna, I had heard you went away to school and joined the aristocratic elite."

"Yeah, well I'd rather be a cheerleader." There's a moment of silly giggling. "How's my most favorite person doing? I missed you."

"I missed you too, girl." We hug. "Hey, Shaun and I are going to a party Friday night. You want to join us?"

"So, Shaun and Beverly are still together?"

"Oh, there was a couple of weeks that didn't go well. One of the parties loved somebody else, but we got it back on track. Besides, a boy named Shaun has always been my favorite guy."

"Thanks Daddy, I love you too."

"None of that _Shauna_ or you'll blow our cover. Now, the party?"

"I don't know, Cinderella hasn't even been out on a date yet?"

"What about Michael, I see you're still wearing his ring?"

"My lord and master placed some sort of spell on it. Beverly, he's still a bitch!"

"Oh my, darn male hormones always gets in the way of a girl's fun. Now tell me all about it. What did he do to make you unhappy?"

"He wants to completely control my life, that's all."

"Now that's a novel thought."

"Well, I think not. He wants me to be a stay-at-home wife and mother."

"And?"

"Well, I want a career. My _Daddy_ left me a business to head and I want him to be proud of me."

_Cry me a river_. Darn hormones.

"Honey, your _Daddy_ will be proud of you no matter what you do, so dry those eyes."

"But I don't want to be Mrs. Clever, Beverly. I believe he just wants me to lay back and pop out the babies one after another. It's so biological."

"Your point is?"

"My point is, I have a brain and I won't be relegated to being nothing more than a breeder. I hate him!"

"You believe you can run a fairly large corporation and still take care of a family."

"Yes, and if I can't, Michael hasn't made any plans, he can give them their bottle and change their diapers. If not that, then there's child care and nannies."

"What if you're not the best choice to run the company? To be a successful CEO requires years of experience."

"Tell that to Bill Gates!"

"Shauna, your father knew Bill Gates."

"He did?"

"Yes, and when he started Microsoft, he rarely made his way home. His family paid a heavy price for his success."

"Okay, what are you going to do with _your_ life that my father didn't?"

"What I always wanted to do, marry a tall, broad shoulder man with a large package. If I can get my Shaun to ask me, I'll become a farmer's wife and let him plow my field all he wants."

Giggles.

"You know Shauna, being a business leader is not the end all of success. And, it can be a real thankless job. Usually, all your employees want from you is their paychecks and when things get tight, it's your fault. I'd rather go through the pain of giving birth, then have to look a family's bread winner in the eye and lay him or her off."

"If being a mother is so great, why didn't Mother want to keep me?"

"Ah, we are coming to it now. _Shaun_ was a self-center, insensitive, selfish boy and the _Shauna_ your mother knew was nothing better. Now, your mother divorced your father because he was the same way, do you really want to blame her for leaving you behind?"

"If that was so, how would it be any different for me as a mother?"

"What kind of a man would be the father of your children? Is Michael so much like his namesake that he'll make a lousy father."

"My father loved me."

"Your father treated his family not much better than Bill Gates did his. Shauna, the personality development of a child is critical up to about six years of age. Where was your father at that time, he was building a business. Maybe if he had been a more caring man and at home more... Maybe, just maybe things might have turned out better. Like poker, there's no guarantees in life, but the odds can be improved with a fair deal."

"You think I'm wrong then?"

"Not necessarily. Michael is only part of the equation, what's your part like? Can you put the welfare of someone else before your desire for conquest?"

"I'd like to think I could, but I don't know. What changed you?"

"I remembered what Michelle knew and understood, the difference between having sex and making love."

(Well, that was some lesson and it didn't cost me a dime.)

*****

Friday came and went. I stayed home and did my homework.

The cheerleader trio again encouraged me to next year try out for their squad. This year's tryouts took place while I was at Bromley Brook.

I still haven't been out on a date as _Shauna_.

I'm getting bored.

Michael walks into my bedroom. "There's a pretty good chick flick on at the theater. You want to go?"

I just look at him.

"Well, you want to go see a movie?"

"Just a minute. I'm trying to decide which I hate the most, my being dominated or my being bored."

He just looks at me.

"I want something to eat too."

"One hot dog and a bag of popcorn."

"Sold, I'm yours."

"Good. Dad would only let me have the keys to the car if you came along."

"It's so great to be wanted."

You talk about a cheap date, the movie we saw was already out on DVD and the seats were hard. Nevertheless, Julia Roberts is one of my favorite female actors. (Okay, I know that makes her an _actress_, but would it have said the same thing?) I can't remember the name of the male lead -- some British guy.

"Michael, can we stop at a drug store on the way home?"

"Sure, no problem."

I need to pickup some supplies, but Michael follows me in.

I ask him, "What are you after?"

"Nothing really, just keeping you company."

"Well, I need to pickup some girl stuff, so go look at a magazine."

He laughs. "Like I never did that before, but okay."

"You never did it with me and that makes a difference."

"Okay, okay. I'm gone already."

I pick out a box each, plugs and pads, drift over to cosmetics and checkout some lipstick, etc. Having found what all I needed, I head for a cashier. Next to the register there's one of those pocketbook carousals with Harlequin romances. I select a couple with interesting covers and add them to my purchases.

By then, Michael finds me again. "You get everything you need?"

"Yeah, I'm ready to go."

It wasn't a stellar date, but it's a start and it got me out of the house. I wonder if I should talk to Aunt Jesse about my going on the pill?

*****

"Hey Shauna, how was your weekend?"

"Believe or not Beverly, I went out on a date."

"Oh, a first. Who with, Michael?"

"Unfortunately. You talk about a miser, the movie was nearly as old as I am and my backside still hurt when I finally went bed."

"Well, remember his father is not rich and Michael has not likely earned any money from anything other than baby-sitting."

"I could have paid."

"Would _Shaun_ have let his date pay?"

"Never! Guys just don't do that on a date. Dutch is okay for a girl friend, but not a girlfriend, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, I understand the difference. But, there you go, rules are rules."

I give up. These rule really isn't any different, but I'm different.

"How was the party?"

"We had fun, but we didn't stay long. Shaun took me up to Marathon Point."

"The view up there is pretty."

"I don't remember. We spent most of our time in the back seat. God, is he's hung well. I was sore until Sunday."

"Beverly!"

"Well, you use to do it."

"But, I wasn't the one who could get pregnant!"

"I'm on the pill, aren't you?"

"I'm thinking about it."

"Shauna, _thinking_ won't keep you from getting pregnant." I stick my tongue out at her. "Shaun said that he was still a virgin. Does that make you one, too?"

"I don't know!"

"Haven't you checked?"

"No, that's gross!"

"Shauna, I'm pretty sure you use to...?"

"That was then, this is now."

"Are you afraid?"

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of enjoying yourself?"

"I don't know... maybe."

"Well, just start small and you'll be all right. Or, if Michael gets there first, let him know you're still intact then dig your claws in."

I just shake my head because I can't believe what she's promoting.

"Hey, your birthday in a couple of months, isn't it?"

"You know it is."

"Hey, remember I wasn't too good of keeping track of things like that. That was your mother's job. Hell, I missed more than one anniversary, too."

"Okay, my birthday is in a couple of months, so what?"

"Hey girl, you don't want to be a sweet sixteen virgin. That's bad for a girl's reputation, now days."

"Well, who's going to know?"

"Just about everyone. Hey, this is high school, secrets are impossible to keep."

"You wouldn't tell would you?"

"Me? No, I wouldn't tell anyone. Well, not unless someone told me something better."

"Beverly! I can't believe you."

"Okay, you'll understand later. Isn't being a girl great?"

*****

It's three weeks before I get up enough nerve to ask Aunt Jesse about getting me a doctor's appointment.

My virginity is confirmed and I get the usual warning about not sleeping around, STD's, etc.

A week before my sixteenth birthday, Michael asks me out to dinner. It seems he's been working a few hours a week for a neighbor doing yard work and detailing his car.

The dinner was nice, at a real restaurant and not a fast foods place. Later, we also go to another movie, at a theater with comfortable seats. He lays his arm around the back of my seat and is solicitous to my desires.

I think I know where this is going, but I'm not sure if I care. It's nice to be wanted and Michael is being unusually sweet.

I am correct. Instead of taking me home, Michael takes me up to Marathon Point to enjoy the overview of the city lights. (Yeah, right. Here we go.)

How he managed it I have no idea, but the next thing I know is I've lost my panties.

"Michael, I'm a virgin. Be gentle, okay?"

"We'll go slow."

"Oh, Mother. Michael, you're too big, you'll never get it in the--" Slow, hell. The bastard breaks my hymen and buries himself. "YOU SON OF A BITCH, THAT HURT!"

At first, I dig my claws in and just hang on for dear life. Then, I find his rhythm and we both hump like a couple of rabbits for minute. We slow down for a few moments while I'm crazily riding my first female orgasm ever. Then, he speeds up again and I follow. Michael is sucking on my nipples as he sends me through another gripping orgasm. We slow down again long enough to catch our breath. He kisses me, sucking the air from my lungs as I feel a jackhammer engage between my legs. I can barely breath through my nose as I mumble something inaudible, who knows what.

Bull's balls are playing tag with ass. I feel so full, yet I wonder what it would feel like to have something shoved up me back there too. What would it be like to be slut with all holes filled? Maybe, some other time.

I finally break our lip lock and turn my head to the side to get some air back into my lungs. "Oh God, oh God."

"You enjoy this? It's something different to be on the receive end, isn't it? But, I kind of like it from this end too."

I look up at him and he just stares into my eyes like he's trying to tap into my deepest, maybe darkest desires. Or, is it my darkest secrets. We continued this stare down while he vengefully slams into me.

Then, I finally feel the blossoming warmth as plunges his seed into me and I enter into one last, almost terrifying orgasm. The physical sensation is glorious, but I also feel like I am less than I was, someone _wanton_.

I've lost count of how many times he put me over the top. I had no idea before how good sex for a woman can feel, with the right man. I giggle as I recall Beverly's quip.

"Something amusing?"

"Just something about becoming a farmer's wife..."

"...and let him plow your field all he wants."

"You've heard it?"

"Girls talk about sex just as much as boys."

"As I'm finding out. Are we through?"

"You telling me you want to do it again, already?"

"No, not tonight. I don't think I'd survive another go, tonight."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Most of it. You were pretty rough on me in the beginning and there towards the end."

"Yeah, I was remembering Shaun did to me."

"Is it going to be like that every time?"

"Sex is sex. What are you expecting?"

"From the man I'm marrying, a lot more."

"You share your love with me, I'll return it ten fold."

"Michael, I'm trying."

"For now, that's all I'll ask for."

"Thank you. Maybe next time we can try a bed."

"There's a lot of things we can try if you have the wanton imagination."

There's that word again. "Oh, are you trying to corrupt me?"

"Just making a good wife out of you."

"I suppose I have to be bad to be good?"

"Most definitely."

"Sounds interesting, but just how many children am I to produce?"

"Two boys, two girls."

"What happens if they don't cooperate? Too many, I'll lose my figure and then what will you do?"

"Don't worry, you'll be find."

*****

For some reason I'm not in a very good mood this morning. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to even get out bed. I'm sore everywhere and still leaking Michael's seed mixed with blood. The calendar says I'm due to start anytime now anyway, so what difference does it make. A girl's period is so much fun, _not_.

Damn, why did he have to be so rough. He was thinking of Shaun, he said.. Did I leave Beverly sore afterwards? How can anyone love someone who hurts them maliciously just for the sake of their masculine ego. Are all males insecure? _Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the greatest stud of all?_

Someone is tapping on my bedroom door.

I try to ignore it.

The door cracks open a pinch.

I resolve to lock my door at night.

"Shauna, if you don't get out of bed like twenty minutes ago, you're going to be late for school."

"I'm taking a day off, Aunt Jesse."

She enters and closes the door behind her.

"I have a fresh bottle of Mydol, if you need it?"

"It's not that, well it is but not really."

"If I asked you something personal, would you tell me the truth?"

"What do you what to know?"

"Did you and Michael get friendly last night?"

"How did you know?"

"You can see the car from the kitchen window and your panties are hanging >from the rearview mirror."

"WHAT! You didn't leave them there did you?"

"Your Uncle Mike did the same thing to me our first time. I think it's a Rogers tradition or something."

"Has he seen them too?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't along at the hanging."

"I don't believe this."

"Well if you want them back, you'd better be retrieving them soon before they can think up some more mischief."

I make a dash for it. There they are, my brightest red panties there for everyone to see. I try to open a door after door, but they are all locked. I rush back into the house and find both Michael and Uncle Mike having breakfast and drinking coffee. Aunt Jesse clears her throat to get my attention. She adjusts her blouse. My not getting the idea, she does it again. Then, I realize I'm standing there in front of everybody in my wardrobe's most sheerest, see- through Victoria's Secret Sexy Little Things babydoll nightie. To my credit, I act like nothing's amiss.

"Michael, if ever wish a repeat of last night," I pause to give emphasis, "you'll have my property back in my hand before I leave for school."

"No, I think I'll keep them, thank you."

Uncle Mike sputters some coffee. Aunt Jesse giggles softly.

"In fact, I think I'll have those you're wearing now too." He stands and I run for my bedroom and lock the door.

*****

Beverly is laughing. "Oh, that had to be fun. I wish I had been there to see it."

"How come it's only the girl's who have to suffer humiliation like that?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because we're more forgiving than the guys."

"What surprises me the most is Uncle Mike and Aunt Jesse let Michael get away with it."

"Well, either Michael may have a spell on them or they're more fun loving than you suspected. Maybe, both."

A lustful terrifying flash passes before eyes. I am on the floor with Michael and Uncle Mike, front and back, with Aunt Jesse grinding herself into my face. That's disgusting, but oh so exciting. God, has Michael put a wanton spell onto me too?

"You know Uncle Mike pretty well, did he ever behave... did he ever..."

"Has he ever expressed a kinky side to himself?"

"Yes."

"Hell, yes." She chuckles. "Shauna, every man is kinky to the point they believe they can get away with it. So are we. It was you wearing that sexy little thing, remember."

"How can I forget. I guess we kind of bring it on ourselves, don't we?"

"For the most part, we have to. Can you imagine what life would be like if we did nothing to attract our men? We would have to fend for ourselves and be subject to whoever has the muscle to take what he wants."

"I never looked at it that way. It's not a pleasant thought."

"No, it's not, but it still happens. There's a very active sex slave business."

"You mean like S & M stuff some people are into?"

"No, I mean like being kidnapped, taken to another country, never to be seen by love ones again, and then sold into slavery for whatever perversion the buyer can think of."

"That's horrible!"

"But it happens almost everywhere and that's why we flaunt ourselves, to find someone to provide for and to protect us, and hopefully someone to love us as well."

"Yeah, it's a man's world we're subject to both the best and the worst of it."

"Yes, the bad can _really_ be bad, but the good can be just as fantastic."

"You mean the sex?"

"Well that's part of it, but have ever gone to the mall and noticed how much of it is there for us females?"

"Yeah, it's like their preying on us, subverting us for their own pleasure."

"That may be true, but didn't you enjoy the light, smooth, soft feel of your sexy little nightie. Didn't you enjoy it, even a little, when Michael threaten to steal the panty you were wearing. Honey, it's only their world or our world as much as we each let it be."

"Tell that to the girl who is sold into the slavery you were describing."

"How about the boy who is seduced by a woman and then sold into that same kind of slavery. There's people out there, both men and women, who favor shemales."

"What's a shemale?"

"They mostly start out as boys who are given female hormones and breast implants. They trained to look, act and behave like real women. It's a real power trip for their handler and buyers to utterly destroy the male psyche. Girl or boy, such a life can be very rough."

I remember how rough Michael had been to me there for a while, he was upset. It's hard for me to envision be subject to someone who is really of a cruel nature.

"Then, what's the answer?"

"What's the question; are you asking how do we keep ourselves safe? I don't know other than being careful, but some idiot said something about life not being a bed of roses. If you're only speaking of a bed filled the flower, then I agree. But, if you're speaking of a true bed of roses, then while you're enjoying the smell and the soft, colorful pedals, you're going to also have to deal with the thorns." She sighs. "Shauna, Michael will sometimes hurt you, sometimes he'll make you happy, even ecstatic, but his love for you will, to the best of his ability, protect you from those who would take pleasure in hurting you."

"And, if he doesn't really love me?"

"Then, be real careful. You won't be the first girl to mistake lust for love. Like your mother, they learn to either escape or endure.

"What can a girl be not, is to not to be alone with someone they really don't know."

"That's right. The world is both seductive and savage. Where those who walk alone, only the strongest survive. That's why we have civilization, numbers protect the weakest of us." She giggles. "You know, if we continue to have these serious conversations, I'm going to grow old before my time."

"Yeah, we don't want that. What was Michelle's birth date, anyway?"

"Shauna!"

*****

Life is just a series of lessons. The more upheaval there is, the more severe the lessons. At least, that's what it feels like.

Michael is getting bolder and Uncle Mike and Aunt Jesse seem not to mind. I wonder if he did put a spell on them. Of course, he might of had to if they had been childless before he came on the scene. But why are they letting him behave the way he has been. I don't always feel safe living with them anymore and have gotten to locking my door more. I wish Michael and I didn't live under the same roof, right now. It's two more years before I can be on my own. I'm both anxious for my independence to come and dreading the lost of whatever shield Uncle Mike and Aunt Jesse provides me. What's going to happen between then and the time I'll be forced to marry Michael, the college years. As Shaun, I looked forward to that time, my time to prowl, to prove my sexuality.

Male sexuality is so easy to define, you fight and you fuck. Simple. What is it that defines a female's sexuality, flaunt and fuck? Maybe, maybe not. Is there something else? What's the product of that definition anyway? Could it be the rush and confidence we feel when we know who we are? _Confidence_, does that equate to _safety_? I've hear adults define the teenage years as the years of exploration, especially the exploration that helps us define who we are and what we are. Boys and girls get together, split up, meet somebody else, get together, split up, meet somebody else... It goes on and on. By the time we get old enough to drink legally, we may have had anywhere >from maybe a half a dozen to a dozen or more partners, a few moderately lasting relationships and too many one-night stands.

I've often wonder what emboldens a girls to set her course or direction. Disillusionment? We're taught in sex education that girls are some multiple of times more likely to be abused than boys. Is it just because they present an easier target or is it because males in general are more aggressive, more confident, or maybe it's both. What would make me be disillusioned, the feeling that I'm not in control of my own destiny? I'm not am I, in control? The whole thing about my being attacked and arrested makes me question if I'm not being manipulated. Did _Beverly_ cause the girl to attack me? I don't recall seeing her at school before and look how easy her and the charges disappeared once I agreed to marry Michael. Even Daddy got what he wanted when he became Beverly, but way become her? Was it only so because there needed to be a _Michael_ so _Beverly_ could get me back in bed, her--him? What's the tie between us and how can I break it if need be? All these questions and where are the answers short of rebelling, or is that the answer in itself?

If I was to rebel, how could I do it without being destructive to myself and those I care for? Do I go Goth or become a party girl? At this moment, I'm wishing it was time for the tryouts to become cheerleaders. It would be something else to have a bunch of jocks wanting to get in your pants. If they had more brains than brawn, it might be fun to be a cheerleader. But, kids tend to gravitate toward like personalities. Therefore, the match between cheerleaders and jocks.

That still leaves me with _Goth_ and _party girl_. The Goth subculture is fraught with danger, drugs, excessive makeup, and negative music. Not good. Not good indeed, because without other inspiration I stuck with becoming a party girl. How do I become a party girl anyway? The only party I've been asked to was that one Beverly offered to take me to. I need somebody to ask me out, somebody besides Michael, that is. How do I go on the prowl without a repeat of being attacked by another girl again? Where can I get a tee that says, "I'm hot and I'm available", or do I even need one? What says that more than just dressing a bit more trashy, nothing.

I dig out my cell and give make a call. "Hey Beverly let's go shopping."

"Are you crazy, we're in class."

A shadow passes over me. I look up and there she stands. "Yes, Mrs. Davis, I know the vice principal's office."

On the way to seeing Uncle Mike, I run into Beverly. "You too?"

"You know Shauna, when _Beverly_ changed you into a girl, I don't think she did a complete reboot. You got some files missing, girl."

"Yeah, I know. It's hereditary."

When she notices that I'm not heading for the V.P.'s anymore. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going shopping, want to join me?"

"Oh girl, why do I feel this will both be trouble and fun?"

"At this moment, I don't care about getting into trouble as I'm already there. But, I can really use some fun right now."

"Have you done much of this?"

"Never, but I'm going to start."

We arrive at the mall.

"Where can I find the trashy look?"

"I don't know, I've never done 'the trashy look' "

"All right, we cruise."

We don't go far before I spot a salon. "How about adding some black and copper to my blonde hair and half-inch nails?"

"I don't have a lot of money in this life. Will you spot me for old time sake?"

"I'll spot you anytime for any sake. Let's have fun!"

The ask the taxi driver to drop Beverly off at her place on the way to _my_ house. He earned his tip as he had to help us lug our purchases in. My trust fund is taking a bit of hit this month because of this, but it's a damn site cheaper than going to Bromley Brook and a hell of a lot more exciting.

Fortunately, the power was left on for the cleaning crew that comes in every two weeks. It take me an hour to hang everything in the master wardrobe. I'm going to move into master bedroom, but not tonight. Daddy's bed still has course sheets and I don't have a nightie with me tonight. (Well, courser than the satin sheets on my old bed.)

I walk into the bath and run one of those delicious calming baths I've come to enjoy. With the crystals added and the water steaming, I turn to cleanse my face of makeup, but before I do, I take a good inventory of my appearance in the medicine cabinet mirror, not the one facing the toilet. I want to be able to recreate this style. Let's see, my original blonde hair with both black and copper highlights, triple pierced earlobes with crystal studs, one belly pierce with matching hanging crystals on a fine chain, a bra guaranteed to give you an extra cup size (I don't look bad with a set D's), a halter top that barely covers anything leaving my midriff exposed to show off my belly piercing, thong panties under smoky pantyhose covered (barely) a short skirt, and finally a pair of three-inch crystal decorated sandals. With a few miscellaneous bangles on my wrist, it all screams "I'm hot and I'm available" just like I wanted.

With my face cleansed, my bath awaits.

"Oh, that feels good."

"I bet it does."

I almost hurt splashing half of the water out of the tub.

"Beverly, what are you doing here?"

"My folks didn't appreciate my new look and gave me an ultimatum, either the look goes or I do. So, if you can declare your independence so can I."

Beverly is already sixteen and I will be before the week's out.

"I didn't know your were having problems."

"I wasn't, my parents were. I had lived too many years as an adult and they couldn't understand why I wasn't always asking for permission."

"Well, I still get the master bedroom."

"Then why are you in your old room?"

"Sheets and no nightie."

"I hadn't thought of that, mind if I join you?"

"We're not father and daughter anymore, so why not."

Beverly laughs. "Girl, you don't know how close you came to being eaten by your father."

"Well, if you're still hungry?"

We get real naughty this night and vow to order some toys off the Internet.

*****

"I found them. Their in Shauna's old bedroom." Aunt Jesse nods in the kitchen towards our direction.

Uncle Mike starts looking through the kitchen cabinets. "Well, you get them up while I at least try to make some coffee. Then, we all need to talk."

"Shouldn't we call Michael."

"Only to tell him we found them. I have suspicion that he's the cause of this."

"And Beverly, we should tell her parents too."

"Jesse, let's hold on that until we know more."

"Okay, I'll get them and you get the coffee."

After giving us a chance to get dressed. Aunt Jesse marches us into the kitchen and the fresh smell of coffee. Four cups already poured. Oh, Beverly and I needed that.

Uncle Mike starts, "Okay first, Beverly why is it your here?"

"My parents disowned me. Well, maybe I disowned them."

"Why?"

"I'm too independent."

"I've never known you to get in trouble until yesterday. Why didn't go come to my office as you were instructed by Mr. Wayne?"

"I got sidetracked."

"And, where did you go? You weren't on campus I know that."

"I went shopping with Shauna."

"Okay, when were you last home?"

"After we finish shopping."

"I gather then your here because of Shauna?"

"Yes and no, the clouds have been brewing for sometime between my parents and I, and themselves. I doubt they'll still be together at the end of the school year."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but we still need to notify them where you are."

"You needn't bother, they'll find out when I move out today."

"You're planning to live here without adult supervision?"

"You wanting to adopt me?"

"I'm afraid we wouldn't room for you at house. Sorry."

"No problem, I know my way around here."

"Okay, it's your turn, Shauna. Why are you here?"

"It's my home."

"You unhappy living with us?"

"Uncle Mike, I love you and Aunt Jesse. But, I need to have more control over my own life."

"Does this have anything to do with Michael."

"Almost everything."

"Ouch. Shauna, your father was my best friend. I even partially named my son after him, but we can't favor you over Michael."

"I know and I appreciate your caring, but my home is here and my trust fund >from my father will support Beverly and I."

"Is there something between the two of you that hasn't been said."

"Like are we lesbians?" Uncle Mike shrugs. "No. We enjoy each other's company, but we still prefer boys."

"Today's still a school day, you two aren't planning on dropping out are you?"

"No. Even though we are old enough, we both realize that would be foolish"

"I glad to hear that. That leaves us with my being your legal guardian. I can't be in two places at the same time, with my family and here with you. How do we handle that?"

Beverly speaks up, "You can hire us a governess to keep an eye on us?"

"That's right, Uncle Mike. And, it certainly be less expensive than Bromley Brook."

"That might work. Your Aunt Jesse and I can come about once a week to check on you."

"That would be great!"

"Okay. You'll both continue going to school _until you graduate_. Your _governess_, when we engage one, will drive you until you're old enough to have your own licenses. She'll also act as your tutor and you will maintain the exemplary grades that will earn you both academic scholarships."

Aunt Jesse adds, "Plus, we also need to engage you a cook/housekeeper. I've never met a teenager that could pickup after themselves. Besides, either one of you know how to cook?"

Beverly and I both shake our heads no.

"All right Mike, we have thing flushed out, but it looks like I'll be moving in here until we can get things settled. Can you and Michael handle things at home for a while."

"We'll make do, but I be glad when everything is set right again. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too."

Both Beverly and I took the day off from school, again, and were fully moved back in by sunset. Michael is livid, but as I've said before, "Tough pooty!" Aunt Jesse moved into one of the three guest rooms for the duration.

We will eat out tonight and Aunt Jesse will restock our larder tomorrow after dropping us off at school using Daddy's Jaguar sedan. (I've always loved that car and Beverly's going to have to fight me for it when I get a driver's license.)

*****

Next day, Uncle Mike made up an excuse for the time we missed from school, so we'll have an opportunity to make up our missed assignments. He's really a _good_ friend.

That night, Michael comes throwing a tantrum and a few other things until Aunt Jesse shows him the door out.



I takes over a month for the hiring, references and background checks to be concluded for our new wardens. Both appear to be competent and friendly. Uncle Mike and Aunt Jesse have dinner with us and she is happy moving back to her own home.

Everything runs smoothly through the end of the school year and summer school. For the rest of the summer Beverly and I get tans by the swimming pool. (It's nice to have money) Shaun is a regular visitor though he is not allowed to spend the night. That nearly kills Beverly, but once in a will they will make it up to Marathon Point for some close and heavy breathing. Me, I still haven't found a regular boyfriend (I seem to have become community property) though sometimes we also make it up to the point as well. Lately, the four of us have been hiking back to a secluded swimming hole where the four of us will go skinny dipping. That's a lot of fun and usually winds up as sexually enjoyable afternoon, as well. It is on one of these outings that I finally click with someone. His name is David or D.D. for short. But there's a problem, his mother doesn't like me. (You remember Mrs. Davis don't you?) There's another concern. He's a tight end on the football team and he's really putting the pressure me to try out for cheerleading. The only reason I'll consider it is because I need some minimal sports activities to get into a major university. (Why couldn't they have a golf program at school? I could follow in the steps of that Nancy whatever... Lopez?)

*****

Now, I want you to know that I've taken some rather risky attempts at removing Michael's ring, but it appears to be indestructible and my finger will only take so much abuse.

The first day of my junior year starts off badly.

I was watching David head off to his first period class when I heard a voice I would like to forget.

"You think he would be happy wearing panties?"

I spin around and nearly fall on my ass backing up. There before me is my nemesis, Michael Walker Rogers.

"What are you doing here, they kick you out of that private school."

"No, I just decided to save Mom and Dad the cost of tuition this year, and come and collect my property."

"I'm no ones property, you asshole."

"Even though you've been sleeping around, I still see my ring on your finger."

"Not by choice, I assure you. If you would release the spell on it, I would have it off in a heartbeat."

"Shauna, there's no spell on that ring,.. that's my doing anyway."

"That's not true and you know it. I've tried everything and it won't come off."

"Not everything, you haven't stop loving me."

While we are talking, Michael is slowly backing me up against a wall.

"Get away from me. You're crowding me."

"Before the month is out everybody will understand you're mine, love"

"You're out of your mind. I don't want anything to do with you."

"Sure you do. Or, I'll swap Beverly and David."

I stagger under this threat. "Don't you dare."

"Of course, it might be interesting to watch your father fuck you. If that's not enough for you, maybe I can see to it that he shares with the rest of his football buddies. A nice little gang bang party with you the honored guest and your little cheerleader friends can cheer you on. You know you're very proficient at giving head, too. You're are a real Deep Throat."

"Your insane Michael. Go get some help."

"How about a dog, or several of them, Shauna. They will fuck you long hard and fast. If you're lucky, one will knot you and it can be twenty to forty before you'll can get unstuck--"

I couldn't take anymore, so I slapped as hard as I could. (Slap? What happened to my knuckle sandwich?)

"I've got to go to class. Stay away from me Michael or I'll tell Uncle Mike just how sick you are."

He laughs at my threat while I rush off to class.

That night I tell Beverly about Michael's threats.

"We need to find a way of taking the fight to him."

Beverly doesn't offer an argument, but nods her consent.

"He said something that caught my interest. It may be nothing and yet it maybe the key to getting this ring off my finger."

"What are you going to do?"

"First, use the Internet. I need to find the best there is."

*****

It's Saturday, and after I told them we were going to spend the weekend with Uncle Mike and Aunt Jesse, I gave our wardens the weekend off. That accomplished, we are waiting for a visitor. A taxi pulls up in front of the house and out steps a rather nondescript woman who I pray is my savior.

"Hello, my name is Jessica Barnswallow. Would you be Shauna Walker?"

"Yes. Welcome. Please come in."

It takes awhile, but Beverly and I tell Jessica everything, right from the beginning.

"So, as a boy you were what my husband would call _'a bit of a butt nugget'_."

"Than would be a fair appraisal."

"A regular chip of the old block, wouldn't you say Michelle?"

"Do I know you?"

"You ought to know your own mother, girl. Then again I changed you into a man, and that can make one as blind as the proverbial bat."

"You're my mother?"

"And, Shauna's grandmother."

"Do you know how much I've suffered?" Beverly is crying.

"Well, that's behind you now, so suck it in and let's do what needs to be done."

"Shauna, your Michael is right. There isn't a spell on the ring, but there's one on you and it's blocking your efforts to remove his ring."

"How can we get around that?"

"Oh, that's a simple--" She backhands me with something like a sledgehammer and everything goes black for me.

"Daughter, I'll let you have the honor to remove that piece of junk jewelry. After you have, take it into the backyard and find a toad to feed it to."

"A toad?"

"Now make it quick before Shauna wakes up."

"Yes, Mother."

"That's a good girl. It's so much easier when your children obeys you."

Beverly removed Michael's ring without a problem and promptly as per instruction, went out back to find a toad to feed it to.

She is just coming back in as I am coming to.

"You hit me."

"So I tapped you, deal with it."

"Now, I need to explain something you both. A female witch is always a female witch, never a warlock. But, when they are in male form they lose ninety percent of their power. Like that, they might as well be without any power at all because they _are_ virtually powerless. As it is, your Michael doesn't have enough power to change himself into a girl without borrowing some from another witch."

"That is what he been doing with you, Shauna. You have been unknowingly letting him suck away from you whatever power he needed at the moment. If he had any real power, or be he a warlock, you would have never been free of him. You would have been nothing than his slave."

"I must say you two have been quite lucky."

"For you Shauna, because her obsession with you, your _Beverly_ brought you into your own powers, even though you haven't realize it."

"And for you Michelle, she's restored your own powers as well. I'm surprised you didn't recognize it. Maybe it has something to do with how long you were male."

"Now, the question is what to do with this love struck fool before he undoes his good deeds?"

"Shauna could call him as she is taking his threat serious?"

"I believe it's coming back to your senses, Michelle."

The two of them look to me. "You want me to get him here, then what?"

"You can feed him to that toad Michelle fed the ring?"

"Whoa, Uncle Mike and Aunt Jesse are good people. I don't want to hurt them."

Grandmother chuckles. "Dear, Michael Walker Rogers never existed before you agreed to marry _Beverly_. You dispose of your tormentor and neither your friends nor anyone else will remember him."

"What about _Beverly_ and her parents?"

"I doubt they really ever had a child either and this gives you the chance to set something right." She looks directly at Beverly. "My daughter's name is Michelle Lee Walker. There never was a Beverly Taison."

"What's your middle name, Shauna?"

"Well, it was Collins, my mother's maiden name."

"All right then, as to my daughter so be it so with my granddaughter. Her name is Shauna Collene Walker. I make this so." She slaps her hands together and I could feel a quiver of energy pass through me. I suspect _Michelle_ felt the same thing."

"Hello, Michael, I've been thinking about what you said..."

*****

Well, what can I say. Michael is on his way here. He believes he's won for now though he couldn't resist a few more threats. His mind is really sick, he's nothing like the girl I use to date. The _Beverly_ I knew was a fun person to be with. I wish there was a better way to... And then, maybe there is. You have any ideas?

Oh, one more thing. Have you figured out _What Can A Girl Be Not_, especially, if she's a witch? That's right, _BOY_ you are sharp.

THE END