Homecoming Part2

by:	Kelly Johnson

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Rating: X	Add Review	Added: 06/19/2007
Complete: yes
Synopsis:	In part 2, Kelly Johnson returns home when she discovers her mother is in the hospital. Under stressful circumstances, Kelly confronts her family for the first time since her transition. (Original story revised, part 2 added)
Categories:	The Operation
Keywords:	Breast Implants  Hormones

HOMECOMING

Even though it was November, it felt like spring in Tucson. Raised in the cold Midwest, Kelly felt there was something fundamentally wrong with a Homecoming game that lacked the crisp bite of impending winter, but who was she to complain? If she had been in the Midwest, she would not have been able to wear a short jean skirt and flat summer sandals to go with her jersey and U of A earrings. She could not deny that the loved how cute the outfit made her feel.

When her two co-workers at the mortgage brokerage had broached the idea of going to the Homecoming game, she had not been particularly excited by the idea. Kelly was hardly a fan of college football. But Jenny and Kara had graduated from Arizona less than two years ago, and they had insisted she come along when a client gave them tickets.

"Why would I want to go? I didn't go to U of A. I went to Purdue."

"It'll be fun!" pleaded Kara.

"Oh come on!" insisted Jenny. "It'll be like being in college again!"

In the end, Kelly could not bring herself to disappoint her friends. Kara and Jenny had been in the same training class with her when she had joined the brokerage firm. As the only women in their department, in a company dominated by men, the three young women had bonded in a surprisingly short time. They did EVERYTHING together, not only at work but in their social lives as well.

Jenny and Kara were the sisters that Kelly had always wanted.

Now, as Jenny drove her convertible Chrysler Sebring through the streets looking for a parking spot, Kelly could not deny that she was having fun. The dry desert wind blew through Kelly's long black hair, occasionally whipping loose strands over her sunglasses. Even through the tinted lenses she could see male eyes surreptitiously turn as the three attractive young women swept past them. While neither of her friends acknowledged the attention, they were aware of the looks they drew. Kelly could not help the smug satisfaction that flowed through her.

Eventually, Jenny stopped the car and maneuvered into a parallel parking spot. Jenny easily slipped her car into the tight spot, the skills she had developed in her not-so-long ago undergraduate days easily coming back to her. Instead of waiting for her friends to exit the car, Kelly gracefully lifted her tanned legs from the back seat and slid them over the side of the car, her sandals lightly landing on the pavement below.

As the three friends merged into the crowd, Kelly immediately recognized that the Arizona students accepted them as one of their group from their inclusive glances and their campus banter. A group of guys began to chant, "U of A! U of A! U of A!" as they waited at an intersection for the light to turn.

Jenny and Kara immediately picked up the chant, along with the rest of the crowd. With hundreds of young men and women shouting, feeling far younger than her twenty-six years, Kelly added her well-trained voice to the cadence. The crowd's repetitive rumble swallowed her sweet tones.

Oh god, this IS fun!

But its nothing like college.

Kelly had spent those undergraduate years pressed against the glass of life, enviously looking on as everyone else enjoyed the social whirl of parties, football games and friends. Back then, Kelly had nothing but classes, work, and a few marginal acquaintances that were called "friends" simply because Kelly did not know any better. Kelly's life had been completely empty for one agonizing reason: she had been a he; a bitter, confused and isolated young man who hated the world and everything in it.

The stoplight changed and the crowd surged across Speedway Boulevard. Kelly stumbled as her legs started to move, distracted by the wave of hateful memories that flooded her brain. She tried to stop a sudden tear from flowing down her smooth cheek, rapidly blinking in an unsuccessful attempt to keep her light makeup intact.

As her startled eyes looked down at her feet, she caught a glimpse of pale pink polish on the toes of her soft feet. A wave of unreality washed over her.

This can't really be me. This can't really be my life.

Irrational fear burned deep in her belly. Jenny did not know. And neither did Kara. NO ONE in Tucson knew about her past. Lost in the midst of the crowd, her paranoia made her believe she stood on the edge of discovery. Somehow they would find out about her past and this idyllic, wonderful day would be ripped away from her by rejection and ridicule just like her childhood had been.

She abruptly stopped, unable to keep moving. As the crowd flowed around Kelly, a concerned Jenny grabbed her elbow and said, "Are you OK?"

Kelly belatedly poked at her tear filled eye with an enameled forefinger and said, "Yeah. I'm just having a contact problem."

Jenny gave her friend a brief, doubtful glare, then decided to accept her answer. She had sensed for a long time there was something Kelly had not told her, but she did not care. Kelly would talk when she was ready. Until then, Jenny would simply be there for her.

"C'mon guys, we'll miss the kickoff!" urged Kara, her short blond hair riffling in the breeze. Kelly forced her legs into motion and tried to forget about anything but the visceral pleasures of the moment.

The slight bounce of her generous C-cup breasts, the long flowing hair gently moving against her back and the earrings dangling at her ears suddenly made her hyper-aware of her feminine existence. This was the first time she had ever attended a sporting event since her transition, and the experience of being a collegiate hottie in a football crowd was a new sensation for her.

Women looked at her clothes and compared her to themselves. Clusters of tailgating males called out greetings and invitations as she and her friends walked past. Occasionally she acknowledged these offers with a smile and a reluctant shake of her head. Other times she simply ignored them.

In contrast to these admittedly ego-boosting encounters, she had also never felt so small in her life. Lost in the press of a large group of people, she was acutely aware of the 50 pounds of muscle she had lost from her 5'7" frame since...before...and, for one of the few times since those days, she regretted their absence.

Well, not really. But gosh, these people....these guys...are so BIG. They could stomp me without half thinking if they weren't paying attention. Somehow she hadn't noticed it in quite the same way in her everyday life.

Kelly glanced at her friends, who were even more petite than she was at 5'3" and 5'4" respectively. Jenny and Kara aren't intimidated. Get it together, girl!

Girl. God she loved calling herself by the title she had worked so hard to earn. "Girl" was an appropriate description of her body and, more importantly, her entire life. A year and a half since her surgery, and the change in her status still amazed and gratified her. It was a miracle come to life. A transformation that had only seemed a dream was now her reality. Not just her body, but her friends, her job, and her life now reflected who she was in her heart.

Even so, there were still empty places in her life: holes in her past that still wounded her, experiences she felt she could never have back because she had simply been wrong when those opportunities had been available. Today, she could catch a glimpse of the past she had missed. She was determined not to let anything stop her from grabbing that chance, not even her own fear.

The crowd flowed into U of A's outdated stadium. While a perfectly respectable edifice for college, it hardly compared to the NFL venues she had gone to with her football-mad father. Even so, there was a vibrancy and passion that the mercenary NFL lacked. Despite its sparkling suites and modern architecture, the NFL was cold: cold with expectations of success and profit no matter how loudly the fans screamed or how skilled the players. Once, as a child, Jason had so badly wanted to play this most masculine of games. Now Kelly realized she had wanted those things out of a desire to win the respect of her father and her oh-so-cruel schoolmates. Jason had wanted to accomplish something they could not in revenge for the contempt they showered upon him.

All of that was behind her now, and Kelly reveled in the scene. Jenny and Kara wound their way through the steps of the stadium, checking seat numbers until they found the proper row. Their seats were so close to the student section they felt part of it. Soon, the inevitable "U of A!" chant rose again. Kelly, Kara and Jenny joined their voices with the throng, waving their hands in unison with everyone else.

"Jenny! Kara!" called a happy female voice from the aisle.

Jenny and Kara's heads immediately turned, looking for the person who had recognized them. A smiling young woman with light brown hair waved along with a red haired friend.

Kara immediately answered, "Steph! Nicole! Oh god its great to see you guys!"

Jenny glanced behind them, making sure the empty seats right behind them were as yet unoccupied then said, "Sit with us! We can catch up."

As Jenny and Kara's friend made their way to the empty seats, Kelly turned a raised eyebrow to Jenny who explained, "Steph and Nicole pledged Pi Phi with us. We haven't seen them since graduation."

High pitched squeals filled the air as Jenny and Kara greeted their friends with hugs.

"Steph, how have you been? Are you still working for Dell in Austin?" asked Jenny.

Stephanie nodded.

"Do you like being a corporate trainer?"

"Most of the time," answered the slim, green eyed beauty.

"Are you still with Steve?" asked Kara.

Nicole burst out laughing.

"Oh god no. I can't believe I ever considered marrying that jerk. Fortunately I woke up in time." Stephanie glanced toward Nicole and continued, "Nicole and I were just talking about him."

Jenny turned to Nicole. "What about you? I remember you were still trying to decide what do when we graduated."

"Oh, I moved to Florida and bartended on Miami Beach for a year. It was fun. Now I'm in law school in Virginia."

"Law School?" echoed a clearly surprised Kara. "When did you decide to become a lawyer?"

"Oh god, you didn't live with us in the dorms, now did you?" retorted Jenny. "Do you have any idea how many times she kept me up freshman year because she couldn't stop watching reruns of "The Practice"? She drooled over Dylan McDermot so much I thought I would have to get her fixed."

Stephanie and Kara tittered gleefully, while a annoyed grimace crossed Nicole's delicate features. Meanwhile, Kelly, who felt somewhat left out of the happy reunion, could not believe how easily Jenny and Kara had slipped back into "sorority girl" mode. They would not have been caught dead acting so frivolously at work, or even in the clubs they frequented with other young professionals at night.

Kara apparently sensed Kelly's mood because she then said, "Nicole, Stephanie, this is Kelly, she works with us at the Williams Center."

Kelly waved and said, "Nice to meet you." Nicole smiled in response while Stephanie proclaimed, "You hang with these two and you haven't been fired yet? You must be a good influence on them!"

The other three burst out in giggles.

"Are you telling me they were bad in school?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You have NO idea. It was all I could do to maintain a semblance of order," finished Steph in a prim voice.

"Oh listen to Mother Theresa!" retorted Jenny. "Don't let Steph's goody- goody act fool you, Kel. Everything we know about partying, we learned >from HER!"

"Yeah," agreed Nicole. "She corrupted us."

Kara chimed in. "We would have spent four years STUDYING if it hadn't been for Steph."

"And you enjoyed every minute!"

Peals of laughter broke out once again.

Kelly could not help but fight back tears once again. She remembered seeing groups of pretty girls like these during her undergraduate days. Jason had watched how they moved, enviously listened to snatches of their lives and wished he could have even an hour like that in his existence. Now Kelly was part of such a group.

She had never truly believed it possible.

Even so, Kelly could not help but feel that she had missed so much. Today was a both a measure of how far she had come and how much she had lost. She tried to hide the sudden well of her emotions by turning away from her friends and checking her makeup in her compact.

The roar of the crowd as the kickoff spun into the air pulled Kelly's attention back to the field. The home crowd's anticipation faded into anguish as the University of California's kick returner ran through the entire Arizona squad to score a touchdown.

Kelly had never watched a football game with "the girls" before. It was a decidedly different experience. Having once played the game in high school (barely), Kelly knew about things like cover-2 defenses and rotating zones. Today, however, she felt no pressure to "know" anything, no sense of failure because she was not skilled enough to take the field. Instead, all she had to do was enjoy the spectacle.

Of course, the point of view was quite a bit different too.

It took less than a quarter for the discussion to turn toward the guys on the field. "Check out the tight-end!" cooed Jenny.

"Which one?" asked Nicole.

"You're bad. I mean the guy playing the position. He..."

Stephanie interrupted, "Jenny! Didn't we tell you? Nicole and I ran into him last night at the Keys."

"Oh. Do you ladies have a story to tell?"

"No," replied Nicole with disgust. "He's totally useless. He was there with his girlfriend."

After falling behind 16-3 against ninth rated Cal, Arizona caught fire in the second half. Big play followed big play. Suddenly, it was the fourth quarter and Arizona held a slim lead. Cal, however, had one last chance to steal away the game.

Methodically, Cal drove to midfield until, finally, the Golden Bear quarterback threw an interception. After time expired, the student section rushed the field despite pleas from the PA to stay in their seats. Excited students climbed the goal posts and began to rock up and down while others simply cavorted in jubilation on the field.

Even though Kelly's friends had been caught up in the collegiate atmosphere, none of them were silly enough to rush the field. Despite their restraint, they still gathered into a group hug and took up the "U of A!" chant once more.

* * *

Less than half an hour later, the five young ladies descended on Frog and Firkin, a popular U of A hangout right on University Drive. Though Jenny and Kara had refused to cruise their old college hangouts since Kelly had known them, her friends now insisted on going to Frog's after reuniting with Steph and Nicole.

Maybe Stephanie really DID corrupt them.

Kara managed to grab an outside table with five empty chairs despite the post game madness that engulfed the Frog. Stephanie managed to order a pitcher of margaritas from their harried waitress while Jenny demanded, "So Kelly, what did you think of your first U of A game?"

"It was great!"

"Are you telling us you're an Arizona fan now, instead of...where was it again...Purdue?"

"Very funny, Kara. You're not converting me that easily."

"I don't know ladies, I think we have. I seem to remember someone who looked a whole lot like you screaming her lungs out," added Nicole.

Jenny continued to needle Kelly. "I know what it is. Kel, doesn't want to give up her crush on Drew Brees."

"I never said I had a crush on him. I had a class with him sophomore year."

"Oh no, you didn't have crush on him. You just wore miniskirts to every class because Indiana is so warm during the winter."

Kelly glared at Jenny until she dropped the subject. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about her days at Purdue. The more she talked, the greater the chance she'd make a slip that she could not explain.

Nicole scooted her chair back and made half a motion to get up, but the bar was so crowded her chair plowed into a press of bodies. "This is ridiculous. I need to pee and I can't even get up."

A tall dark-haired guy turned around at Nicole's statement. His electric blue eyes quickly scanned the table full of attractive young women. He eyes settled on Kelly as he said, "That's why you ladies should come to our party. It's at the Kappa house."

As Nicole finally won the room to stand up and head for the ladies room, Jenny answered, "If its such a great party, what are you doing here?"

The cute guy turned around even farther to display the "Frog and Firkin" logo on his shirt and answered, "I'm working. My shift is up in half an hour."

"We'll think about it," replied Kara in a dismissive tone.

The guy shrugged and turned back to the next table.

Stephanie glanced at Kara. "Don't be such a stick-in the mud. It might be fun."

Jenny laughed. "Some things never change."

Kara snorted. "Steph just wants to put her education degree to work. Thank god she never applied to a middle-school. We'd be seeing her on the news."

Jenny and Stephanie giggled.

Meanwhile Kelly said, "I think we should go."

Jenny and Kara chorused, "Ohhhhhhhhh."

As Steph's eyebrows furrowed, Jenny explained, "Little miss "voice of reason" here ALWAYS warns us about guys we don't know."

"It's like she's our mom," seconded Kara.

Nicole, who stood behind Stephanie after returning from the bathroom, said, "In that case, ladies, we HAVE to go...for Kelly's sake."

Kelly felt her a sudden warmth rush through her face and she knew she must be turning red with embarrassment.

"That's it!" exclaimed Stephanie, her eyes gleaming with deviltry. "We're going!"

Stephanie, Kara and Jenny stood up in a flash, while Nicole grabbed Kelly's wrist and tugged lightly as Kelly stubbornly hunched in her chair. After momentary resistance, she gave in and joined the exodus.

* * *

If anything, the press of bodies at the frat house was even worse than Frog's. Somehow, despite the common elements of alcohol and a youthful crowd, the atmosphere was subtly different at the frat house than the bar. The frat house was more informal than the campus watering hole. From the chattering crowd outside to the frenzied dancing inside, abandon filled in air.

Perhaps its because there isn't anyone to card them, thought Kelly. Despite the cynical tone of her thoughts, she could not help but catch the enthusiasm of the frat house crowd.

Jenny and Kara surprised Kelly by joining Stephanie and Nicole in a line in front of a beer keg. Jenny and Kara never drank beer in the year-and a-half she had known them. Kelly instead grabbed a plastic cup filled with some sort of juice drink that had been filled from a nearby punch bowl. Certainly it was an alcoholic beverage, but it had to taste better than the bitterness of beer.

Before Kelly could lift the cup to her lips, a firm feminine hand grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

"Are you crazy, girl?" demanded Jenny. "You never drink from the vat at a fraternity house!"

The charm bracelet on Kelly's wrist tinkled as her unsteady hand put the cup back down on the table. Fear shot through her once more as she mentally kicked herself for her faux pax. Kelly could feel her heart pounding in her chest as her mind searched for a plausible explanation for her naive blunder.

Before Kelly could say anything, a concerned Jenny asked, "Are you OK?"

"I...I didn't go to very many parties when I was in college," stammered Kelly, certain that, somehow, her entire life's history were written in boldface letters across her face.

"Why ever not?" asked Jenny in a gentle tone.

Oh god. I want to tell her. I really do. But I just can't. It'll ruin everything. She'll never be able to look at me the same way again.

Deep inside, Kelly knew that, someday, someone would discover her secret. But not today, not today.

Kelly felt a slow tear make its way down her cheek. Damn these hormones. Why couldn't I have forgotten to take them for just one day?

"I've lost over 50 pounds since I was in school. Back then...I just didn't feel good at parties."

Jenny pulled Kelly into an emphatic hug. "Its OK. I think we all know how cruel the world can be to people who don't look like the world thinks they should. That just means Stephanie was more right than she knew. You really need to be here today. The only way to get rid of bad memories is to make some good ones."

Jenny grabbed Kelly's wrist once more and pulled her onto the dance floor. The group of five young women danced with one another in a circle.

As Kelly moved to the music, she felt a thick finger tap her shoulder. She looked up to see the tall guy from Frog and Firkin standing over her.

"I'm glad to see you made it. I didn't think you ladies were coming."

Kelly flashed him a smile with her whitened teeth and said, "We had a change of heart."

"I'm glad. Would you like to dance?"

"Only if you tell me your name."

"I'm Brendan. And you are..."

"Kelly."

"Nice to meet you."

Kelly nodded and without saying a word, she subtly shifted her body away from her friends and faced Brendan. As she swayed to the music, his eyes obviously roved up and down her body. Rather than being offended, she was amused as his gaze crawled up her long legs and came to rest for a moment on her torso, until he locked onto her eyes. She smiled once more and tossed her long hair so that it cascaded in a wave around her face.

This feels good. I'm tingling all over.

As the pair danced their way through two more songs, Kelly returned the favor with a more subtle examination of Brendan's build. Despite the loose cut of his button-down shirt, she could tell from his shoulders and thick chest that he had spent considerable time in the weight room. His jeans showed that he had definitely not forgotten to work his lower body.

You could bounce a quarter off his ass. Oh my God, I'm going to hell.

Looking at her friends in the few times she could bring herself to turn away from him, she could see Jenny and Nicole cheer her on from the sidelines. Kara and Stephanie had found dance partners and had been lost in the crowd. Kelly could not help but notice that Brendan was one of the hottest guys in the room.

Jenny and Kara will never let me hear the end of this. They are going to want details as soon as we get a chance to talk.

A heavy foot slammed into the exposed toes of her right sandal, causing Kelly to gasp with pain. As she stopped dancing, Brendan put a large hand on her shoulder and put his lips close to her left ear. "Do you need a break?"

Kelly nodded and Brendan led the way through the press of gyrating bodies. Finally, after limping for what seemed a very long way, Kelly found some breathing space at the far end of the room. She looked down at her throbbing foot and spied a bright red drop of blood at the outside edge of her big toe nail.

One of the hazards of cute shoes. A hazard I could really do without.

Brendan looked down at her foot and asked, "Are you alright?"

She nodded but the pain refused to stop. Brendan said, "Hang on," and waded into the crowd. A short distance away, Kelly saw him plunge his hand into the barrel that held a nearby keg and pull out a large chunk of ice. He tore off a section of a paper table cloth and made an impromptu bag. When he came back to Kelly, instead of handing her the ice, he knelt down and held it against her toe. Amazingly, he even managed to hit the target even though his eyes remained locked on her legs.

Kelly could not help but laugh. What a perfect excuse to get a closer look at my legs. I guess I can't really hold it against him.

After a few moments, he stood up again and said, "I hope that feels better. But, at least we get a chance to talk."

Kelly soon discovered he was a senior and his major was economics. He wanted to own his own business someday and suddenly he was kissing her.

He pressed her back against the wall as his soft mouth met hers. She was strangely aware of her bra strap pushing into the plaster behind her. Within moments, her lips parted and his warm tongue gently slid into her mouth. She reached up and locked her arms around his neck as the kiss gained intensity.

Pleasure exploded from her left breast. A low moan escaped her lips as her left areola swelled. Kelly belatedly realized his thumb was gently rubbing her nipple.

He pulled his mouth from hers and asked, "Would you like to go upstairs?"

"Don't be a slut!" screamed her mind. But, somehow, she found herself nodding.

I can't believe I'm letting him do this.

He laced his fingers in hers and pulled her after him. Kelly's legs felt like water as she struggled to match his long stride. When they reached the foot of the stairs, she stopped and looked across the dance floor. She waited until she knew Jenny saw her, then raised her hand to give a little wave. Wonder crossed Jenny's features, only to be replaced by a bright smile. Even though the blaring music drowned out her words, Kelly could see Jen mouth, "You go girl!" from across the room.

Brendan insistently tugged at her arm. She hurried up the stairs after him, her breasts bobbling as she took the steps a bit faster than she should have.

At the top of the stairs, Brendan gave her a quick kiss on the mouth and draped a possessive arm over her shoulders. They passed a few doorways in the narrow hall until he pushed open a door with his free hand.

He pulled her into a deep kiss once the door closed behind them. Looking around his face, Kelly caught glimpses of a small student room with brick walls and a double bed. Without breaking their lip lock, the two moved over to the bed and sat down on the edge. They broke for a moment and she took the opportunity to set her purse on his side table. Then their arms wound around one another once again.

Her breast was on fire again as his confident hand cupped her in the palm on his hand. As his other hand fell upon her bare knee and slid up her smooth thigh, she moaned and fell back onto the bed. The questing hand moved under her skirt until it found her filmy panties.

I'm glad I wore a nice lingerie set.

Kelly squealed as Brendan's hand found its way past the lacy barrier and slid a finger inside her slick vagina. She was so glad she had chosen the more invasive SRS, a bit more inconvenient on a....

A wave of pleasure blasted coherent thought from Kelly's mind as the tip of his finger found her clitoris. Brendan knew what he was doing because his touch was perfect: not too rough, almost so gentle that he was teasing her. Kelly moaned, shifted her hips and moved her butt back so that she was now lying lengthwise on his bed.

Kelly sat up and raised her arms as Brendan helped her pull her top over her head. She threw her boy size 14 jersey across the room and shook the tangles from her long mane of dark hair. Brendan's hands reached behind her back and unclasped her bra. He pulled the delicate garment free and flung it across the room. Goose pimples spread over Kelly's breasts as they were exposed to the slightly cold air of the room. Kelly's areolas swelled to bursting as he moved his warm palms in slow circles against the very ends of her nipples.

Kelly nearly tore the buttons of his shirt because she was in such a hurry to get the damn thing off of him.

They kissed once more, this time the skin of his bare chest pressing against her boobs. After a few moments, his right hand unbuttoned the waistband of her skirt. She lay back on the bed as he pulled it off her. Her panties soon received similar treatment. Kelly quivered as the silky material slid down her creamy legs.

She helped him out of his pants and whispered, "I want you inside me."

Soon her soft legs wound around the trunk of his body as her hands grabbed large handfuls of his ass checks and tried to push him through her body.

Oh god, he's got dimples!

I'm moments, they were humping with frenzied abandon as scream after scream burst from her lips.

Great Kel, be really discrete why don't ya?

She felt Brendan's penis twitch, then spasm as warm fluid shot into her. Only after he had cum inside her did she berate herself for not putting a condom on him. I'm such an idiot. I know better than that.

Even worse, Brendan now lay in a fatigued stupor before he had quite finished her off. Rather than complain, Kelly pushed her own finger inside her until her shuddering body lay in a satisfied heap.

Oh god, I just got fucked.

Kelly was not a virgin, but sex with a guy was still new enough that being able to do it seemed nothing short of miraculous. Having a man inside her satisfied Kelly in a deep, primal way that she could not put into words

Brendan made love to her four more times before they both fell into exhausted sleep.

* * *

Kelly woke the next morning when rays of light streamed through the window and hit her eyes. She blinked in confusion at the strange surroundings, then looked over at Brendan sleeping next to her. Her memory flooded back and a slow, satisfied smile spread across her face.

Kel, you were such a slut last night. And you enjoyed every minute of it.

She lay there silently for a moment, replaying last night's events in her mind, until she could not help but remember another night, more than four years ago, that had set her on the path toward womanhood.

* * *

Jason walked across the Purdue campus one Saturday evening after another strenuous workout in the gym. He had spent two years adding muscle, until he had packed 178 pounds onto his narrow frame. Suddenly, instead of being a non-entity, girls had begun to notice him.

As he walked, he pulled off his sweaty shirt, both for reasons of comfort and the chance to put his physique on display. He had worked hard to make himself into a man. Once women began to look at him with something other than dismissal in their eyes, Jason had been certain the uncomfortable thoughts that had tortured him since he was twelve would simply fade away.

He entered the building which housed his on-campus apartment. Inside the elevator headed up to his floor, Jason had run into two very attractive, but clearly inebriated, young women. The cute blonde with short hair, however, was far more outgoing than her friend, and gazed with open lust at his workout-swelled chest.

"Hi, I'm Shelly and this is Christine. What are you doing tonight?" she asked with obvious interest.

"I'm think I'm staying in."

"What?" shrieked an outraged Shelly. "You're not going to study! Are you?"

He sheepishly nodded.

"It's Saturday night!" she objected. Then another idea occurred to her. "Come to the movie with us! It'll be fun."

Bemused by the attention, Jason had accepted their offer. After the movie and an excursion to a bar just across from the Purdue campus, he had found himself in making out with Shelly in her dorm room.

As Shelly wriggled her attractive body free from her clothes, Jason was mortified to realize that he wanted to be her instead of being with her. Even worse, as Shelly's small hand plunged into his underwear, she discovered his limp penis.

Her face scrunched in surprise. He made the lame excuse that he must have had too much to drink. Shelly had patted his knee and said, "Its okay, honey. It could happen to anyone." But her tone seemed more puzzled than comforting.

Jason had rushed from the room in shame, barely even registering her belated "Call me" as he stalked out the door. Blindly, he had stumbled across campus, trying his best to keep tears from rolling down his face.

I'm a freak. I'm going to be a freak for the rest of my life!

Somehow, Jason managed to find his Toyota Camry in the parking lot. He opened the glove compartment and pulled out a 9mm Glock. He held the menacing weight of the gun in his lap for agonizing minutes, screwing up his courage to put an end to his disgusting existence.

He opened his jaws wide and stuck the barrel of the gun in his mouth.

That way I can't miss. This is the one thing I can do right in this fucked up life.

But he could not pull the trigger.

No matter how much he told himself that he was worthless, how his life would be nothing but utter misery until the end of his days, his finger refused to obey. He curled into fetal position in the Toyota's passenger seat, with the gun barrel still in his mouth until the sun rose in the morning.

He still could not do it.

Finally, he resigned himself to the fact that he could not bring himself to end it all. He hated himself even more.

Then another thought occurred to him. "If I am willing to throw away my life as a man, why not accept womanhood?"

The very next day, Jason had made an appointment at the student health service for psychiatric counseling. Today, Kelly was very glad that the despondent young man she had once been had not been able to pull the trigger.

* * *

Tears rolled down Kelly's face in uncontrolled torrents as she recalled her past. Spasms wracked her chest as she tried to suppress the sobs she had never been able to let out for Jason's terrible life.

The next thing Kelly knew, a firm hand cupped her chin and a thumb wiped the tears from her right cheek. Softly, Brendan said, "Sweetie, don't cry. It's OK."

Violently, Kelly shook her head and tried to explain that it had nothing to do with him, but she could not get anything out of her throat but sobs.

"Shhh. I don't think any less of you because of last night. Really. How could I? I was right here with you."

"Brendan, I..."

Brendan put his right forefinger over her lips and sternly said, "I don't want to hear it. You're beautiful and I most definitely want to see you again. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you run yourself down."

The was nothing else to do but fling herself into his arms. He did not understand; but, maybe, it did not matter. As his warm embrace enveloped her, she realized that after one glorious day, the University of Arizona held a more important place in her heart than Purdue ever could.



Homecoming, Pt. 2

Kelly picked at her lunch salad with little interest. One of the few things she hated about being female was she eternally seemed to be on a diet. As Kelly joylessly lifted a bottle of Aquafina to her lips, Jenny interrupted, "So how is Brendan the boy-toy?"

Kelly almost sprayed Jenny and Kara with de-ionized water. After awkwardly forcing the fluid down her throat, Kelly finally managed to object, "Brendan's NOT a boy-toy."

"Then what is he?" insisted Kara, absent-mindedly flicking hair from her face with a shake of her head. "You keep telling us he's not your boyfriend...

"Yet," continued Jenny, "you drug us to Victoria's Secret TWICE, and bought lingerie to wear for him. He's also still in college. If that's not a boy-toy, I don't know what is."

Kelly sighed. In the six weeks since the homecoming game, Jenny and Kara had great fun teasing her about Brendan. She did not care. Actually, it was sort of fun. Her relationship with Brendan was certainly more interesting than the rabbit food the three friends had on their plates. Kelly had never had a regular guy in her life, and the comfortable familiarity she shared with him gave her a wonderful sense of normalcy.

Kelly's cell phone spouted a cheerful tune. She flipped open her Razor with a sense of relief and chirped a friendly, "Hello", glad for the excuse to ignore Jenny and Kara's pointed questions for a few moments.

Her father's harsh voice resounded from the speaker at her ear, "Jason, your mother's been in the hospital for the last two weeks due to heart failure. Now she's caught an infection. She wants to see you."

"What?" sputtered Kelly, struggling to assimilate what her father had just said. "Why did you wait so long to call me?"

"Do you really need an answer, Jason?" came her father's terse reply.

Tears rushed down Kelly's cheeks as she shook her head, forgetting, for a moment, that her gesture was useless while talking over a cell phone.

Immediately, animation drained from Jenny and Kara's faces as they registered Kelly's reaction. The both reached toward their friend with concerned expressions, but they pulled back at the final moment and let her continue her conversation.

Kelly's father continued, "But now, she could die. And she wants you to come."

"I'll get the first flight available."

"I already have you booked on United. If you can make it, it leaves 7:30 tonight, your time. You can pick up the ticket at the counter."

"Dad, ummm....did you..."

"Yes, KELLY, I used your legal name."

"Thanks."

"Just being practical. Something I wish I had succeeded in teaching you."

Kelly choked back a sob at the hostility in her father's voice, but she managed to meekly assure him, "I'll see you tonight," before she shut her phone.

* * *

The next few hours were a blur. Kelly immediately called her boss and took family emergency leave. After a hurried explanation to Jenny and Kara, she left the restaurant and and drove home to pack.

Kelly managed to wrestle out her suitcase and throw open her drawers before she collapsed on her bedroom floor in a shower of tears. She realized she had nothing to wear.

"I can't believe that you're such a shallow bitch!" screamed her conscience. But, in reality, her problem was far from frivolous. Kelly had not seen her family since she had transitioned. She knew that someday, she would have to confront them, even if she found that they could not accept her. But she had never dreamed the encounter would take place under such stressful circumstances.

Not now. Not like this!

The crying jag, however, had drained away her dread and left her mind clear.

One step at a time, Kel. You know that Dad will melt down if he sees you in anything remotely revealing. Yet, when mom gets better, she will notice everything you wear. Aunt Sara is certain to look for any excuse to dismiss you as a tacky drag queen.

Classy, Kel. Classy and understated.

Shoes. If I need to be dressy, work shoes, black pumps with inch and a half heels. Athletic shoes, those are generic. Flats. No sandals. It's winter in Indianapolis anyway...

Kelly sorted through the rest of her clothes in a similar fashion. She quailed, however, when it came to sleepwear. While the majority of her night clothes hardly came from Victoria's Secret, she had few items that were not distinctly feminine. Normally, Kelly favored nylon shifts and cotton baby-dolls. There was no way she was going to wear those in front of her father and two younger brothers. After thinking about the dilemma for some distressed minutes, Kelly remembered she had stored some over- sized NFL jerseys from her days as Jason. Wearing them again would be a little disturbing, but would be much better than appearing in anything else she had in her drawer. Reluctantly, she crammed Peyton Manning and Edgerrin James jerseys into her suitcase.

As she looked around her bedroom, everything suddenly felt so artificial: her clothes, the pastel colors of her bedroom, the Manet prints hanging on the walls. Is this really me? Or is this an image I've created to make everyone, even myself, think I am what the world expects "Kelly" to be?

I suppose I am going to find an answer, one way or anther. Kelly dreaded what would come in the next few days, for both her mother and herself.

* * *

Walking toward the gate, towards what was sure to be the critical gaze of her father, made Kelly feel like she strode to her own execution. Kelly knew it was a hackneyed characterization, but it certainly did not FEEL trite.

She took smaller and smaller steps as she continued, subconsciously buying a few extra moments before she would have to face him. When she realized what she was doing, Kelly forced herself to hurry, causing her breasts to bounce.

I'm such an idiot! I didn't pack any sports bras. The last thing I want him to notice is my chest.

Finally, she saw him, a man in late middle-age with a stocky chest that was his legacy from his days as a D-I swimmer. Just one more face in the crowd gathered to meet the plane. Kelly stopped in her tracks, unsure of how to approach him until she noticed that he was staring right past her without the slightest hint of recognition.

Hesitantly, she walked up to him, her flats ringing on tile, and said in a small voice, "It's good to see you."

His roving eyes locked onto her, taking in her casual clothes under a charcoal gray cashmere coat, and bulged in their sockets. Kelly heard his low voice mutter, "My god..." before he caught himself.

He glared at her for what seemed to be an eternity, until he gruffly conceded, "I never would have recognized you."

Kelly tilted her head downward, but looked up at her father's tired face through her lashes. "How is she?"

He looks like he's aged ten years since the last time I saw him. Is it just stress, or is time catching up to him?

His voice was grim. "She's in a lot of pain. The infection shut down her intestines and they have to feed her through a tube. She's also going to need open heart surgery when she's stronger."

Don't cry, Kel. He'll think you're some kind of cartoon.

"When can I see her?"

"She's sleeping now, finally. Your Aunt Sara is with her in the hospital. I'm going home to catch some sleep. I think it would be best if we waited until morning."

Cautiously, her father examined her face, almost as if it would bite him, and said, "I think you could use some sleep yourself."

"Where are Adam and Peter?

"They're at home. Adam just got in from Northwestern about an hour ago. Pete picked him up."

So far, so good. At least he hasn't pulled out a crucifix and shouted, "Begone foul demon."

Meeting her younger brothers was another "reunion" that Kelly dreaded. Both of her brothers were considerably younger than her. Adam was twenty- one and a junior at Northwestern, while Pete was in his last year of high school. Both of them had looked up to Jason as a "big brother". She had no idea how they would react when Kelly strode through the door.

Kelly walked by her father's side as they followed the flow of the crowd toward the baggage carousel. In a surprisingly short time, the metal conveyor bet clanged into life and Kelly spotted her large bag coming toward her.

Kelly stepped forward and grabbed the handle with both hands, heaving with all her might. She had packed so many things it felt as if she was wrestling a beached whale. Despite her effort, the bottom corner of the bag caught the metal edge of carousel. She pulled even harder, until the bag finally gave way, sending her staggering backwards. As she fell, her hands reflexively let go of the handle, sending the bag rattling to the floor.

She spotted her father standing about five feet from her. He had not made one move to help her.

Before she could gather her wits, a well-built man in his late twenties leaned over and said, "You know, that's a pretty big bag. You should have asked for help."

Kelly flushed as her eyes took in his handsome face. She reflexively accepted his help getting to her feet before she remembered her father was watching.

Oh great! The last thing I need right now is Sir Galahad foaming all over my tits.

"Do you need help getting to your car?"

"No, thank you," she answered hurriedly. "My dad's coming to get me...there he is now."

The helpful guy nodded at her father, treated Kelly with a smile, then returned his attention to the baggage carousel.

Grudgingly, Kelly's father looked at her suitcase and said, "I guess I should take that." Pointedly, he glanced at her pipestem-thin upper arms. Rather than extend the handle and use the built-in wheels, he simply grabbed her suitcase with one hand and easily lifted the bag that Kelly could barely move with two.

"Did you take an entire month off work?" asked her father sardonically, hefting her suitcase.

What's that supposed to mean? Kelly fumed silently, as they walked toward his Lexus. She tried to calm herself, but she wanted to scream with frustration. Part of her wished he would openly state his disgust with her, rather than this series of passive-aggressive rebukes. Yet another part of her hoped that if the issue never came to a head, and he had a chance to see how RIGHT this choice was for her, he would come to accept her.

Hmmmph. And I'm the one that's supposed to be catty! This is ridiculous.

* * *

Kelly felt even worse as she stepped out of her the passenger seat and timorously strode to the front door. The drive home had been even worse than the airport, the car filled with terse silence. Kelly had tried to extract more information about her mother's heart condition; but her father had cut off her inquiries, almost if he blamed Kelly for her mother's collapse.

Now, as she looked at her parent's massive Tudor home, she wondered if Adam and Pete were watching her through the one-way glass embedded in the front door.

Come see the freak! She walks, she talks, she can even pull a suitcase! Why do I even bother?

Kelly closed her fist and gently rapped on the door. Almost immediately, it swung open, revealing her brothers clad in loose t-shirts and jeans. Kelly darted inside, the plastic wheels of her carry-on rattling over the jam. Despite their carefully blank expression, Kelly could feel their eyes staring at her every movement. They did not say a word.

Her father broke the uncomfortable silence by setting down her suitcase and pointedly saying, "Maybe you should take your SISTER's bags upstairs."

Adam rolled his eyes. Pete suppressed a snicker. She could tell they thought she was pretending. During one of the last summers Jason spent at home, he had wowed Adam and Pete by maxing-out the bench press station on their father's bowflex.

Didn't you idiots learn anything in high school? It's called E-S-T-R-O-G- E-N.

As she followed her brothers up the stairs, she could not help but notice that both of them were both taller and heavier than her.

I guess they aren't my "little" brothers anymore.

Adam and Pete unceremoniously dumped her luggage in Jason's old bedroom and left without a word. Their attitude annoyed Kelly, but there was little she could do. Rebuking them would be pointless. Kelly tried to forget about their behavior by examining her room.

A sense of dual reality washed through her. On one hand, the room was comfortable and familiar. She recognized her old stuff, much of it remnants of an unhappy childhood that Jason had tried to abandon when he went to college. Yet, at the same time, the things did not fit. The old Colts posters and Jason's team pictures from youth sports teams were mementos disconnected to her current reality. She was somewhat amused to see a "Girls of Purdue" calender, open to August of 2000, still hung to the wall above her desk.

How many times did I look through that calender?

Admittedly, Jason HAD lusted after some of those young women; but his envy had been far stronger. Many times he had dreamed of their lives. He had fantasized about laying on a beach towel on the Purdue campus, wearing a swimsuit, soaking up both the sun and admiration.

Noticing that her old clock radio read 11:34, Kelly had the perfect excuse to strip off her clothes for bed. She quickly kicked off her shoes, peeled off her sweater, and pulled down her jeans. She stood before the full length mirror on the closet door in her panties and bra, unconsciously imitating the cover girl's calender pose. Once again, she was glad she had told her facial surgeon that she wanted a "sweet" look rather than the blatantly sexy features that many t-girls seemed to favor.

I guess dreams CAN come true. If you work at them hard enough.

* * *

Kelly woke the next morning to her darkened room, confused about her location. Even though she could not see anything, she could tell she was not in her own bed. After a few dazed seconds she remembered where she was and looked at the clock on her bed stand.

5:14 am!

Kelly rolled under the covers, determined to get back to sleep, but her mind raced. How is Mom? How should I act with Dad and Adam and Pete? What will they say to me?

That's when she knew that going back to sleep would be futile. The sound of a lonely car barreling down the street outside penetrated her window and echoed in her room. She writhed in her sheets for a few more moments, trying to deny reality, but soon sat up with her hair in wild tangles.

She pushed the hair out of her eyes with both hands, then reached across her side-table and switched on the lamp. Groggily, she climbed out of bed.

How many times did I wake up, hoping and praying that I would be a girl?

Of course, in her day-dreams, waking up as a girl had been glorious. The reality was not quite the same. She had never fantasized about the mealy taste of stale saliva in her mouth, tangles in her hair, and stubble on her legs.

I'm such a sex kitten. Playboy here I come!

Of course, there were moments when she felt that way. But they were far fewer than she had imagined. Even so, she had gained a sense of well- being, a freedom from conflict that she had never known in her life. Inner peace was something Jason could not have imagined because he had never experienced it. In retrospect, Kelly suspected that Jason had thought in terms of sex, because the only relief he had known from his gender conflict came during his masturbation fantasies.

Am I going to ever be a whole person? Or will I have dual-personality disorder for the rest of my life?

Kel, you sound like a refugee from therapy!

Kelly briefly considered using her stent. but quailed when she imagined Pete waking up to the sound of her vaginal maintenance from the other side of the wall.

I can't deal with that right now.

Instead, Kelly grabbed her toilet bag and a change of clothes; then emerged from her room, headed for the bathroom. As she padded down the hall in her Peyton Manning jersey, Kelly hoped she would not wake her family. She wanted to get in her morning shower before they woke up, so she could be fully dressed before they saw her.

Despite her careful steps, Kelly's passage sent loud squeaks through the aged oak flooring under her feet. Finally, she reached the relative safety of the bathroom, and locked the door behind her.

The harsh row of floodlights atop the mirror shone mercilessly in her eyes, throwing her tired features into stark relief.

I look like a zombie.

Almost against her will, she ran the fingers of her right hand through her long mane of hair. She quickly stripped off her clothes, turned on the water, then stepped into the shower.

By even the harshest standard, she knew she had a terrific body, one that most other women would envy. Although she had resorted to surgery, she had worked hard to achieve her physique.

She self-consciously ran her hands down her flanks, her palms running past her narrow waist and the curve of her hips. Once again, Kelly was glad she had started hormones soon enough that she had developed a cute derriere. Even so, her figure was not solely due to chemical therapy; she had also worked long hours in the gym to shape her hips and glutes.

Her hands came to her thighs, where they felt stubble on her soft skin. The coarse scratching against her palms shook her out of her self-exam. She immediately spread some of the lather in her hair down both her legs. Carefully, she applied the razor and began to shave.

In a few moments she was finished. She turned off the tap and then grabbed an over-sized beach towel from the rack and began to dry herself off.

Almost immediately after stepping out of the shower, the raw skin of her freshly-shaved legs prickled uncomfortably in the cold air of the bathroom. Her chapped hide felt like she had stripped away too many protective layers. She sat on the toilet and applied generous amounts of lotion to her abused skin.

Legs were NOT made to be shaved! The idiot who decided that women needed to do this should have been burned at the stake.

I had no idea how much of a drag daily maintenance would become, she thought as she applied a blow dryer to her wet hair. I'm not even trying to look my best and it will still take me forty minutes.

She soon lost patience with the task and ran a brush through her hair while it was still damp. Once her hair had been somewhat brushed, she pulled it back into a pony tail and fastened a white scrunchie to keep it in place. Carefully, she arranged strands of hair around her forehead.

Lookout Daddy, here comes the glamor queen!

* * *

Her father stumbled toward the coffee maker while Kelly was still busy cleaning the stove. She had thought long and hard before deciding to take care of the mess her father and brothers had left in the kitchen. She knew that most people thought transsexuals chose to become the opposite gender to gain some kind of calculated advantage. While adopting "women's work" was not very progressive, Kelly sent the message that she willingly accepted EVERYTHING about her womanhood, both the good and the bad.

Besides, Kelly had learned that women judged each other by the tidiness of their surroundings in a way that men never did.

Her father poured himself a bowl of corn flakes and sat at the table, eating in silence. As Kelly continued to clean in the background, he tersely said, "You don't have to do that."

What, do you think I'll infect the plates with transsexual cooties?

"I think mom would appreciate it. If she knew..."

Her father's temper flared. "Don't try to tell ME what your mother would think. You have NO idea how much grief you've caused her, and all of us, the last few years!"

Kelly could not suppress the flare of her temper. "Are you trying to blame me for this?"

Her father clamped his mouth shut, refusing to take this final, condemning step. Kelly could tell that he believed it at some level. Instead he said, "Dr. Andrews said her body's electrical signals went haywire. As a result, her heart started beating faster than it could handle. Eventually, she collapsed. This was a week ago."

"The doctors had to restart her heart in the emergency room. They told me any extra stress could harm her recovery. That's why I didn't tell you. I knew you'd want to see her, and I didn't want to explain why you shouldn't."

"Then she got better, and there didn't seem to be any point in worrying you. But, now she has an infection, her intestines can't absorb food, and she could die. She's asking for you, but I'm not sure if seeing the new you is a good thing for her."

Kelly moved to her father's side to put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, but he glared at her before she could complete the gesture.

"Jason, why did you have to do this to yourself?"

Kelly thought for a moment, carefully choosing her words, then said, "Because I can't ever remember being happy, not until I stopped pretending to be a guy."

Her father's mouth opened and closed like a fish thrown upon the shore. She knew he wanted to say something to refute her assertion of womanhood, but could tell he feared harsh words would end any influence he had over her. He eventually folded his hands and quietly said, "I am going to pray for your mother. Will you join me?"

Kelly tried to keep an irritated frown from crossing her face. He thinks I'm a transsexual because I lost my faith. He's trying to lead me back to God through prayer.

But, how can I refuse a plea like that?

She reluctantly nodded her assent. Kelly made the sign of the cross as her father started to recite the "Hail Mary".

* * *

Kelly hesitantly stood outside her mother's hospital room, gazing at the "warning, infected patient" sign pasted to the door. Kelly only forced herself into motion after her father opened the door and stalked in the room.

Her mother's emaciated appearance shocked Kelly. Tubes ran from both her mother's neck and her hand to bottles perched on metal stands next to her bed. Slowly, she opened her eyes, first taking in the sight of her husband and then moving on to Kelly. At first, Kelly could see her lack of recognition, until shock registered on her face.

Her mom turned her head and addressed her husband, "David, could you leave me alone with our daughter?"

Her father seemed surprised at his wife's pointed question, but did not object. "That's the plan, dear. I'm going to try to get some things done at the office. Pete will be here at 2, Adam 'til 8, and I'll watch you during the night."

Her mother nodded her acceptance, then he walked out the door.

Her mother sighed, then groped for the bed control. Gears whirred, and the bed raised slowly until her mother was almost sitting up. Once she was in position, her mother studied Kelly for agonizingly long minutes.

"You are very beautiful, you know."

Tears welled in Kelly's eyes. Her words came in a rush, "Mom, I'm sorry..."

Her mother violently shook her head. "Don't apologize, dear. It really isn't necessary. I've known for a long time that you weren't happy. And it bothered me that I could never figure out why. I guess the reasons are pretty obvious now, aren't they?"

Kelly nodded and could not hold back her tears any longer. She felt them pour down her cheeks and drip from her chin in rushing torrents. Even through her water-filled eyes, Kelly could see she wasn't the only one who had tears on her cheeks.

Suddenly, her mother laughed. "I can see you've learned the therapeutic value of a good cry. It's a good thing your father isn't here to see us. He wouldn't know what to do."

Kelly giggled. Conspiratorially, she said, "I think he'd grunt and look out the window."

"They might be bigger and stronger than we are, honey, but there are a lot of things they don't handle very well."

Her mother grimaced in pain. Carefully, she tried to suppress her facial expression, but did not entirely succeed. Kelly suddenly realized just how much energy and will that her mother had marshaled for this conversation.

"I know he acts like he blames you, Kelly. But that's not really true. He blames himself."

Kelly intentionally screwed up her face and treated her mother with a look of clear puzzlement.

"Listen to me. I've been married to the man longer than you've been alive. When you told us what you intended to do, we both scrambled to the internet for information. When I found out that transsexuals tend to have the brain anatomy and neurological pattern of the opposite sex, I began to understand this wasn't something you chose. But your father latched onto web sites that said your condition could be fixed through prayer and group therapy. That's why he suddenly became religious."

"What you don't understand is he's looking to repair what he did "wrong". He thinks he spent so much time building his architecture firm, that he failed to provide a strong role-model for his son. And because of that neglect, and your transition, he thinks my heart failed."

"That's...that's ridiculous."

Her mother nodded. "He'd rather blame himself than accept that he's not in control of the situation. Of course, the last thing he wants to believe in is CHANCE. Not a man who willed himself from poverty."

Now I understand what mom's doing. She thinks this might be her last chance to rebuild her family.

Her mother glanced at the chair beside the hospital bed and said, "Sit down, dear. Tell me about yourself. It's past time I get to know my daughter."

* * *

After Kelly returned from the hospital, she felt closer to her mother than at any time in her life. She had talked about her taste in clothes, her friends, her job and Brendan. Well, not EVERYTHING about Brendan, but Kelly suspected her mother could read between the lines.

The intense emotions of the last few days had left Kelly exhausted. When she returned home that afternoon, she simply crawled into bed and fell asleep.

* * *

By the time Kelly woke up that evening, it was already dark outside. Both Pete and Adam were home and their father had taken the night shift at the hospital. Kelly could hear her brothers shout as they played Madden in the den all the way in her room.

She stumbled down the stairs and walked up behind the couch. "Did you guys get anything to eat?"

Adam hit the pause and turned his head to look up at her. "We had fast food. But Aunt Sara left a pasta salad in the fridge a couple of days ago."

Before Kelly could move toward the kitchen, Pete mischievously asked, "Would you like to play the winner?"

Will they ever stop trying to throw social land mines under my feet?

Jason had been the first one to bring Madden football into the house. In fact, Jason had taught both his brothers to play. The last summer Jason had spent at home, he made a point of crushing both Pete and Adam at Madden before he had left.

Kelly, however, had not touched a game console since very early in her transition. She had not given up video games in some kind of feminine epiphany. Instead, between voice lessons, her new job, and all the challenges in learning how to interact with the world as a female, she had simply lacked the time.

Despite the casualness of Pete's question, there was an edge to his question. It was almost as if he were asking, "Just who are you?" Before she was even aware of what she was doing, Kelly seized the game controller from Pete's hand and took his place on the couch.

I guess part of the answer is that I'm a chick that plays Madden.

She was rusty at first. In the three years since she had played, the game had added a number of new features to both offense and defense. Eventually, however, her old skills came back to her and she managed to win games from both Adam and Pete.

When the clock read close to midnight, Pete caught Adam's eye and said, "We're going to hit the jacuzzi before we go to bed. What about you?"

Kelly's blue eyes locked onto Pete's face, trying to discern the reason for his invite. She had picked up a faintly challenging tone in his voice and briefly wondered if Adam and Pete had some kind of car-wreck fascination with seeing her in a swimsuit. At the same time, Kelly knew there was a test behind the question. Jason had used the indoor jacuzzi almost every night after working out while he still lived with his parents.

"Sure. I'll meet you there."

Kelly hurried up to her room to change without a backward glance at her brothers. If you guys want to see the dog and pony show, I'll give you a dog and pony show.

Kelly HAD packed a swimsuit, but did not really expect to use it. She quickly stripped off her clothes and stepped into a pale yellow one-piece that showed off her Arizona tan. She gazed at herself in the full-length mirror, admiring how the modest suit clearly displayed the curve of her hips and showed only a hint of her deep cleavage. She unbound her pony tail, and used a brush to tease volume into her glossy black hair. Moving her face closer to the mirror, she added a touch of water-proof mascara to both eyes.

Finally, Kelly slipped a silk robe over her suit, grabbed a towel from the hall closet, and headed for the enclosed patio that held the jacuzzi. Her brothers had already turned on the motor and immersed themselves in the hot water when Kelly heaved open the heavy sliding door.

Adam and Pete's eyes followed her every movement before she finally removed the robe and stood before the jacuzzi. She extended her right foot, and gently used a pointed toe to test the water temperature. Satisfied with the water, Kelly gracefully lowered herself onto one of the built in seats. Hugging her smooth knees together between clasped hands, she tilted her head and boldly looked both of her brothers in the eye, daring them to make a comment.

Adam and Pete stared at her in uncomfortable silence for long minutes until Kelly could not stand it any longer. "Why don't you TALK to me, instead of just avoiding the issue!"

Adam retorted, "Were you always gay, or was it something that happened to you at Purdue?"

So much for political correctness!

Kelly boldly returned his glare, then dropped her eyes. Carefully, measuring her words, she replied, "That question isn't exactly easy to answer."

She looked up at the floodlights overhead, as if she were searching for inspiration, until she finally said, "As much as I know you don't want to hear it, I've never really felt gay."

Adam and Pete treated her with exasperated frowns. She took a deep breath, and slowly released it. "Before I transitioned, I never really looked at guys and said 'he's hot'. If anything, women looked good to me. But, even more than being attracted to women, I wanted to BE a woman...ever since I was twelve and I began to realize there was such a thing as sex."

She could see two blank faces staring at her across the whirlpool.

"I know you can't really understand. And I don't really blame you. If anything, it was more confusing to experience, than to hear me explain."

Pete said, "But you DO like guys, don't you?"

Kelly nodded hastily, but before she could even open her mouth to continue, Adam demanded, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Something like that."

"Have you slept with him?"

Even with the waves of heat rising from the jacuzzi, Kelly could feel the blood rush to her face. She knew she had to be blushing.

Adam blurted, "How the hell did THAT happen?"

Kelly doubted that Adam really wanted a blow-by-blow description of her sexual escapades. Instead, she answered, "I'm not really sure how I became attracted to men. When I first started on hormones, I wasn't attracted to anyone at all. It was like being neutered. But, after about ten months, men began to notice me, and it felt really good."

She decided not to tell them that when Jason had FANTASIZED about being a women, he had also dreamed about encounters with men. She knew there were limits to how much her brothers could handle, and that confession went way beyond the pale.

In a sudden avalanche of insight, Kelly finally understood why her transformation upset her brothers so much. Mere embarrassment by association was not what drove their repulsion. Instead, it was fear: fear that some dark, hidden impulse could rise from their unconscious and take over their lives.

Immediately putting her theory to the test, Kelly assured her brothers, "It's not something that happened overnight. I struggled with it for years."

Despite her best attempt, Kelly doubted that she had gotten through to either Adam or Pete. Even so, she sensed that she had given her brothers something to think about.

Without another word, Kelly gracefully rose from her seat and stepped out of the whirlpool. As she turned away, she could feel her brothers stare at the water that dripped down her curves, almost as if they were comic book heroes equipped with laser-beam vision. Ignoring her discomfort, Kelly donned her robe and left the patio.

* * *

The next morning, Kelly did not bother to "get ready" before heading to the kitchen for breakfast. Instead, she appeared with her long hair loose over the shoulders of her Dwight Freeney jersey and bare legs. She was sitting at the breakfast table over a cup of coffee when her bleary father arrived from spending the night at the hospital.

"How's mom?"

A defeated look crossed his features. "Not good. She didn't really sleep at all last night. By this morning, she was mostly incoherent. The doctors also spotted a lesion in her pancreas."

"Is it cancer?"

He shook his head. "They don't know. It could be a sign of another infection. They're scheduling a colonoscopy to check it out. But the risk is, with her infected intestinal tract, they could easily break the colon wall. If that happens, she's dead."

"Why didn't you call?"

"I didn't see any point in waking anyone up. The doctors don't really have any choice. Aunt Sara is with her right now. I suggest we all be there when she's scheduled for the procedure."

"When?"

"Sometime this afternoon. The gastroenterologist is cramming her into his schedule."

Kelly uncrossed her legs and started to stand up, but her father grabbed her by the wrist. "We need to talk."

She dropped back into the wooden chair in a clump, sure he was about the berate her for her life choices. Instead, his red-rimmed eyes filled with tears.

"Do you know what the last thing your mother said to me before she went incoherent?"

Kelly shook her head as her emotions overwhelmed her ability to speak.

"She asked me to give my daughter a hug."

He rose with jerky, uncertain movements. But his arms were open. Kelly stared at her father in shock for a few moments, until she flung herself in to his arms. Great sobs wracked her body as her tears freely flowed into the comforting crook of his neck.

In Kelly's left ear, he quietly said, "I'm still not entirely comfortable with the choice you've made. But if it comes down to accepting my daughter or losing my child, there simply isn't any option."

Kelly pulled back from her father's embrace just enough to get room to speak clearly, and said, "That's alright Dad. I had a hard time accepting it myself. I guess I can't expect you to understand right away, when it took me years."

"Are you happy?"

Kelly nodded emphatically. "For the first time in my life, I don't hate myself. I'm not telling myself that I'm a disgusting failure. I can just be me."

"Did you try praying?"

"Yes I did. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I prayed to God to fix me. I think He answered my prayer. I just had to help Him out a bit"

* * *

Later that afternoon, Kelly's family shared joyous relief when the doctor told them the procedure had gone well. Not only had Kelly's mother survived the colonoscopy, her test results had shown a marked increase in albumin, suggesting her intestines were beginning to fight off the infection.

Despite all the hostility Kelly had faced from her father and brothers, she was glad she had come home. Kelly could not put into words how much she admired her mothers. From her hospital bed, barely coherent and in pain, her mother had given Kelly the most wonderful gift she had ever received in her life.

She now had her family back.

THE END